Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1slashW00
by Team Phantom Tiger
Summary: Post-SRW:EF, original KR & SM - Haken's been tapped to transform into a bug-eyed rubber suit guy to fight monsters. This would be easy if he weren't already transforming into a girl to fight monsters. R63, M for lang/themes, mild shipping.
1. Episode 1: Frontier Senshi Foundation!

**FFdotnet Special Note:** I'm writing this thing in the midst of _SRW OG Saga: EF EXCEED_ screenshots and Famitsu scans coming down the pipe on every Super Robot Wars fansite ever. I can guarantee **SPOILERS** for the original _Endless Frontier_ but not _EXCEED_. Bear in mind, though, that I still have approximately a year until Atlus hustles out a translation, and in that time I'll be doing what I can to work in _EXCEED_ characters and elements.

On a lighter note, Onore Crossover Tags and your two-fandom limit. (Not like this'll have enough in common with Sailor Moon aside from wardrobe, but still...)  
- /m/'s Haken

**For the KR fans:** Feel free to skip to the next chapter for your dose of Tactical Rubbersuit Action.  
- /m/'s Haken

* * *

**[PROLOGUE AND LEGAL]**  
[In a makeshift recording booth aboard the Zeit Krokodil…]

"Er-hehm." Haken Browning cleared his throat. "Quick note about the fic that's about to follow…See, there's no logical reason for me to have the Spring of Drowned Girl curse, which more or less is gonna enable this series as a whole. Truth is, we're actually doing this as a sequel to the…much more adult story where I contracted it in the first place. We're a little lazy to rewrite it without the sex (seeing as how it was 75% sex by volume), but luckily Kaguya's prepared a bare-bones summary of the events therein."

The camera panned to a small shadowbox that Kaguya Nanbu had apparently fashioned for some sort of puppet show. Sure enough, a clearly feminized puppet of Haken emerged on one side of the "stage" and started speaking in an obvious falsetto.

"Man, we got SOOOO drunk last night…" The puppet Haken's head bobbed down. "Holy crap, how'd I get boobs?"

A puppet Kaguya entered the "stage" from the opposite end. "Uh…sorry 'bout that. I must've spilled some Spring of Drowned Girl in yours last night."

"It's OK. I'll forgive you because this is secretly my fetish." With that, the Haken puppet squished into the Kaguya puppet while the real Kaguya started making kissing noises.

"What's all this, then?" A third puppet, this time of Aschen Brodel, entered from stage right. Apparently the emerald-haired android was playing herself in this re-enactment and exaggerating her stoicism for kicks.

"I appear to have unlocked Haken's Fun Mode! You want some of this?"

Black chunks of felt on the Aschen puppet's forehead slid back in an apparent pantomime of Code DTD activating. "Hell yeah, I want some of that!"

"I wasn't expecting to get more of this, but I'll take it anyway 'cause I have Secret Mommy Issues which sort of make this also my fetish." And then the Aschen and Haken puppets started "making out", with the two puppeteers resuming the kissing sound effects.

The camera returned to the real Haken. "And that's a quick glimpse of how far down the crapper our characterization is gonna go. Got issues with it? Go bawwww on TV Tropes or something. Don't got issues with it? Then here's Suzuka with the disclaimer."

Suzuka took a deep breath before rattling off the legalese. "Super Robot Wars and all related materials are TM and © Banpresto Co. Ltd. and Namco Bandai Games, Inc., including as Super Robot Taisen in the United States. Super Robot Taisen OG Saga: Endless Frontier is one of such related materials, copyrighted by Monolith Software and licensed to Atlus USA, Inc. Kamen Rider and all its official offshoots are TM and © Toei Studios, except those two that Saban Entertainment and 4Kids Entertainment fucked up royally. Similarly, Sailor Moon is TM and © Toei Animation, but Nelvana and DiC can keep their shares of the dub for all we care. Ranma ½ is a Shogakukan/VIZ Media joint, not that it really matters since we're borrowing only the one plot device. Finally, for foreshadowing purposes, Metal Gear/Metal Gear Solid and all its bits are TM and © Kojima Productions and Konami Corporation."

"Suffice to say that the author holds no controlling or other ownership interest in any of the above, except for obsessive consumption of their products. And anything else in here that remotely looks like it should be copyrighted probably is, rights reserved to people or corporate entities other than Team Phantom Tiger. This is a free fanfic – not for sale or rent!" Haken punctuated the last of the disclaimer by splashing a cup of cold water into his face…well, 'her' face now. "On with the show!"  
**[/PROLOGUE AND LEGAL]**

**Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00**  
An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/'s Haken Browning

**Episode 1: Rise, Heroines! Frontier Senshi Foundation!**

[In the dining room of an Amahara steakhouse in Trodel Stadt…]

"I feel overdressed for this sort of thing."

"You've got to be the LEAST overdressed of all of us. And I KNOW you wouldn't be complaining if we let you do this as a guy…"

Haken's head fell into 'her' palm in defeat. Indeed, it had less to do with the intricacy of 'her' clothing and more to do with the fact that Kaguya insisted this be a "girls' night out" in every sense of the word. "Yeah, you're right. It's just…I'd kinda wanted to keep my 'condition' between the four of us, y'know?"

"And let such a fine body go to waste? Nonsense! Besides, it's not like it's just the four of us – I remember you couldn't help but scream loud enough that first morning that Marion and Lee took notice-"

"…Fine, six, whatever. And maybe also Reiji, Xiaomu, and KOS-MOS if we ever see them again. But aside from _them_, I'd like to keep this whole 'turning into a girl' thing a secret."

"Pfft, like any random stranger's going to ask." Suzuka put down her menu to size up the distraught cow…er, 'girl'. "As far as anyone could tell, you're just Kaguya's new girl-pal."

"And there's the problem. As long as I'm associated with Kaguya in this form, I'll have to deal with the same scrutiny under the public eye that SHE does. And then people will wonder what she's doing with ME and not, well, me. And THEN they'll wonder why you never see guy-me and girl-me in the same room, and that suspicion works its way up the social ladder until CERTAIN individuals put two and two together!"

Aschen, who'd been silent ever since the four had ordered their drinks, interjected. "…It's your father, isn't it?"

"Nailed it. He's spent the better part of two decades raising me as his SON, and I've already weirded him out once over the whole W00 thing. The last thing I want is to have to explain THIS little bit of weirdness."

"We could always elope or something," Kaguya suggested. "Then when you're Prince Regent of the Amahara royal family, you could just roll out a couple superficial laws telling people not to get weirded out by your little gender identity crisis…Or maybe 'First Consort' would be the preferable title?"

"…Do shut up." Haken scooted 'her' chair back and rose. "I think I need a moment outside to think about all this…" _Would probably prefer a change of clothes and a splash of hot water, too, but you three are watching me too closely as is._

"But the server's about to take orders!"

"Not hungry!" With that, 'she' rushed to the front door, leaving the other three bewildered for a moment.

"…Taking all bets on what his problem is! I got a 4:1 spread on Pronoun Trouble, 3:1 on Daddy Issues, and even money that he's just going 'round back to the dumpster to jill off!"

Aschen thwapped Suzuka with her menu, then grabbed the Shiki-Oni's menu and thwapped her again with that for good measure. "Not helping. …That said, I'll put ten on Daddy Issues."

"Gee, THAT was a good show of consideration…Oh, what the hell, put me down for five on Pronoun Trouble."

[On the side of the building…]

Head hung low, Haken sauntered towards the back of the steakhouse (thankfully for our distributors, NOT with any masturbatory intent). These sorts of things and the doubt that came with them generally didn't happen while 'she' was male…_Huh, that might be it. Why'd I bother going outside when I could've just taken a minute or so in the restroom? A couple minutes or so in the stall to collect my thoughts as a dude, and…Naaah, that would've been too risky. Which means I'm right back here, at Square One…_

*Pyooooo~n*

The strange purr interrupted Haken's inner monologue. "…Was that a stray cat? You'd think the stereotype that conjured up would be more Xiaomu's thing." Nevertheless, 'she' moved to investigate, just in case some staffer really WAS short on acceptable meats. Rounding the corner, Haken braced to face a potential deranged sushi chef…

…And found 'her'self eye-to-eye with a pint-sized Mutant Eye instead.

_Awww…it looks so lonely…but it might shoot me with Freakin' Laser Beams if I agitate it…But it looks so cute! It almost HAS to want you to pet it…so it can sucker you into the range of its Freakin' Laser Beams! …But those innocent little eyes, those big floppy ears…Need I reiterate, FREAKIN' LASER BE-_

"Oi, Miss, if yer jus' gonna stare all night, then I hope ye don' mind if I return the favor."

A left hook sent the Mutant Eye into the wall with a resounding *Pyuuu~*. "Sweet Mother of Muriel, ye punch like a Highlander, lass! An' not from _Highlander II_ or them two syndicated series, either – an honest-to-Connery, straight-to-home-video-"

"If you want to talk Elfetale film, you'd be better off hanging out behind the pub two blocks down."

"No can do, lass. I was told to wait out here for the Chosen One."

_This is so cliché, it burns._ "Chosen One? You're liable to become the Chosen One yourself – chosen to get mixed into the Beef Tips appetizer, that is."

"Don't go underestimating the great Pyo O'Malley so quickly, lass…Or wait, maybe 'lad' would be more comfortable to ye?" Haken went wide-eyed. "Oh, don't be daft, I've seen me share of Jusyenko junkies in me time. I can tell ye've only now gotten yer lady legs."

"And let me guess, that qualifies as 'Chosen One' material in your book?"

"Well, no. Today's cryptic prophecy phrase is '_And the Hook shall find himself strung along, and he shall ponder how tangled he is on the line, and in his answer find that he only binds himself._' Obviously can't be you, lass, ye don't look a fisherman's part."

"No, but you might have just answered some completely different questions for me. I've been thinking too hard about some new complications in my life, rather than letting the answers fall into place like I usually do. I think it's about high time I started just going with the flow again…Thanks, little fella. Hope you find your Chosen One."

"Eh, not like these prophecies ever quit fulfilling themselves one way or another. Take care, lass…lad…whatever."

[Back inside…]

No sooner had Haken taken 'her' seat than the fire alarm started ringing across the restaurant.

"What the…? You'd think they'd tone down the sensitivity of those things for this kind of restaurant…"

"They do, Captain. Which makes me think this isn't exactly a false alarm…"

As if to punctuate Aschen's deduction, a scared chef burst out of the doors to the kitchen, running full blast for the door.

"Everyone out! _Oni! Oni!_ Everyone, run! Run as fast as you can!"

"Hey, I find that several kinds of racist! Apologize now, or I'll have a discrimination suit come down on you so hard-"

"Suzuka, he wasn't slurring against you." Kaguya pointed toward the kitchen doors – or rather, the jagged humanoid emerging from them.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Yes, mortals, tremble in terror! Your screams shall seal my claim of this land for the Neo-Youma Empire!"

"Neo-Yo-wha?"

"Who dares defile our Empire's sacred name so casually?" The agitated monster turned towards the four ladies, affording them a closer look at his blood-red, armor-like carapace. "…Oh? Well, THIS is a greater conquest than I thought! The proclamation of Neo-Youma's rise will be IMMENSELY improved with the princesses of THOSE two kingdoms in my possession!"

"Aw, man, first day dealing with a new world takeover/destruction plot and we're already marked by the bad guys!"

"Suggested course of action, Captain?"

"You're the only one of us with built-in weapons, what the hell do you THINK?"

And then the four started hoofing it.

[Down the street…]

"This is a very uncharacteristic course of action, Captain."

"Yeah, well, being FEMALE and NOT armed to the teeth are uncharacteristic states of being for me. In the meantime, we haul ass to the Zeit, arm up, and pray it takes more than 10 minutes for Big Red there to turn Oro Sushi into an evil castle full of random encounters."

"Oi, wait up, lass!"

"What the-"

Haken turned around, only to be slammed in the face by a furry teal ball that quickly unfurled itself into the form of Pyo O'Malley. "It just hit me, lass!"

"I think you need to take a step back and realize WHO just hit WHO."

"Not THAT, the prophecy! It was YOU, lass!"

"Me?"

"The 'Hook', lass! Ye be the 'Hook'! Yer name's Olde Formidian fer' it!"

"OK, so apparently I'm the Chosen One. Now, if you'll excuse me, we've got to go grab our monster-killing crap."

"Don' be so hasty, lass! I got a package for ye for just that!" O'Malley curled back into ball form, then unfolded once again, clutching a wooden box in his paws. "Yer modern toys wouldnae be useful 'gainst that Youma's dark aura, anyway."

"So this Youma business-"

"The Cliff's Notes go as such, lass: big kingdom of great demons from the last age of the unified Frontier, Amahara and the Shiki-Oni allied themselves to seal 'em away, crafted these awesome magical trinkets for in case they got butthurt somewhere down the road. Like right now." O'Malley propped open the box, revealing a quartet of compacts. "Four for four, lasses. Ye in or out?"

"…Well, ladies? He IS pulling prophetic rank, after all."

"…I am unsure exactly how the magic within one of these would affect me, if at all." Aschen engaged Code DTD to accelerate her deliberation. "Eh, shouldn't hurt either way, right?"

"It ain't installin' Windows Vista, I can tell ye that. That'll make two, counting the Jusyenko junkie."

"That ugly slab of beefcake wanted to claim us as his possessions! Like hell I'm letting him or any of his kind get away with that!"

"And that's three. Kaguya, you up for it?"

"…I guess I can write it off as a 'defense of the realm' thing, seeing what kind of history these Youma have with Amahara… So we've agreed to this thing, now what?"

"Each of ye, grab one of the Mugen Amulets. The rest'll pop into your head as it's needed. Some sort of iso-psionic whatever – I read the manual on these things, but not the liner notes." The four carefully extracted their amulets from the box…only for nothing much to happen after that.

"Huh? They're not responding?"

"Maybe we've got to swap them, like, we accidentally grabbed each other's or somethi-"

Kaguya was cut off by the four artifacts suddenly glowing in unison.

**Soul Link established. Scanning combat history…Scan complete.**

"Combat history?"

"A failsafe built into the Mugen Amulets – Should they fall into the hands of seasoned warriors like ye apparently be, they'll scan ye brains and reconstruct their magical repertoire to revolve around your fighting styles. Much easier than having to learn magical girl combat from the ground up, nae?"

**Armament calibration complete. Uploading activation trigger…**

"Looks like Big Red's finally gotten outside – and scrounged up some friends!" Suzuka pointed toward the dozen or so ninja-looking creatures surrounding the Youma as he advanced down the street.

**Trigger upload complete. Configurations designated: "Sailor Nanbu," "Sailor GUN-Oh," "Sailor W00," and "Sailor W07." Command access delegated to "Sailor W00."**

"I guess that means it's showtime. Ready, ladies?"

"Affirmative."

"As I'll ever be."

"Are you kidding? I was born ready!"

"All right, then…" Haken cleared 'her' mind, letting the activation trigger come to the forefront. "**FRONTIER FUSION FORMATION!"**

The next thirty seconds were a blur of sensation for each of the newly-recruited heroines. Though the colors were in different orders for each one, the most common theme was their skin taking on an iridescent sheen while their clothes fused into liquid masses, reforming into the uniforms of four destined warriors.

"…OK, now I REALLY feel overdressed." Haken's shift into Sailor W00 had morphed 'her' tank top, overcoat, and khaki pants into a jet-black fuku sporting gold trim better suited to 'her' male form's prized gunslinger ensemble. Equally black-and-gold arm-length gloves and stockings rounded out the outfit, themselves specked with bits of red.

"Oh, come on, you're carrying the look better than I am, at least." Suzuka's change into Sailor GUN-Oh had changed her wardrobe just as drastically as Haken's, the sky blue of her jacket and skirt now distributed across her fuku, arm gloves, and stockings with hints of black and gold.

"At least the two of you actually got a real change of clothes out of this!" Kaguya's one-size-too-small cocktail dress and its ensemble hadn't been displaced too much in her transformation into Sailor Nanbu, save for an extension of the microskirt into a proper skirt-and-petticoat combo.

"…Preliminary analysis complete. I appear to have gotten shafted." Aschen's shift into Sailor W07 had apparently melted away the motors in her extremities and the rocket boost parts associated with them. The untrained eye might have considered the smoothed-out arm gloves and stockings a worthy consolation prize, however.

"Ye can fret about ye fashion later! Right now your target is-" *pyuuu~* One of the ninja-alikes in the Youma's employ planted a boot in O'Malley's belly, sending the Mutant Eye flying.

"Cold start, hmm? All right then, let's test drive these powers by running over all these mooks!" A gut punch from Haken felled the ninja who'd punted O'Malley as the other three Sailors engaged their own targets.

"Please…feel free to take me on all at once…" Encircled by ninja, Kaguya willed a sword into her hand not unlike the Goshiki Zankantou. "NANBU BLADE BLOSSOM!" She raised the sword high, allowing metal shards to detach from the blade's reverse and whirl through the enemy ranks like hundreds of scythes in so much wheat.

"Hey, try to save some for me!" Suzuka willed what appeared to be twin gatling barrels onto her forearms, just below the palm. "GUN-OH FEVER FUSILLADE!" The barrels began spinning and spitting flashes of light that pierced target after target.

"Looks like the princesses have crowd control covered. The big lug's mine!" Aschen leapt into the air, leg poised to crash into the Youma. "TIGER LANCE KICK!" The kick connected with the Youma's blocking arm, spawning cracks in its armor from the point of impact.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAH! What power is this? Nothing has so much as DENTED the great Muzagiborou's armor in a thousand years!"

"Hope I'm making as much of a milestone for your flesh, then!" Haken had used the Youma's attention on Aschen to sneak into killing blow range. "PHANTOM PLASMA STAKE!" The spiked apparatus on 'her' arm dug into the back of Muzagiborou's chest, making him cough up a purplish-black substance that had to be analogous to blood.

"Heh heh…not bad for amateurs…but do you know what it REALLY takes to kill a Youma?" Muzagiborou swatted away Haken with his good arm, shifting into a defensive stance.

"What the-I just put a freakin' stake through your lung! Organ redundancy be damned, the entry wound alone should have you bleeding to-" Said wound was quickly enveloped in the blood-like fluid, which eventually dried back into Muzagiborou's proper flesh tone. "Oh. Healing factor. That would do it."

"Ye've got the right idea, lass, there just ain't enough power in only one of ye!" O'Malley had somehow gotten back on his feet, and was scrambling towards Haken. "Ye need two souls at once to put a Youma away for good! Dunno why, that's just the way the symbolism works!"

"You mean, like both of us hitting him at once?"

"If it were that easy, would ye need the blasted Sailor outfit? One of yer pals has to upload their soul into ye, and then ye scrub out the Youma's dark energy with an appropriate flashy fusion attack! All temporary, of course, ye know how this sort of combination works."

"Do you MIND, hairball?" Muzagiborou's cracked arm shot toward O'Malley's throat. "It's impolite to discuss how to kill a fellow while he's listening, you know!"

*pyuuu-hack* "…Sealing chip…inside the Amulet…set to Upload…" *cough*

"Hands off the laser bunny!" Haken reared back for another stake drive, but 'her' arm was caught in Muazgiborou's other hand. "Tch…Aschen, you heard him! Check your Amulet for a 'Sealing Chip' or whatever!"

"C'mon, handy slide cover…There!" The face and top of Aschen's Mugen Amulet slid upward with a flick of the thumb, revealing the Sealing Chip within a bottom compartment. "Here's hoping this works…" The chip was inserted into a slot just below the amulet's hinge. "**Frontier Sealing Formation: Phantom Tiger!"**

Aschen fainted after the incantation, falling into Suzuka's arms as her soul surged into Haken's body. "_PHANTOM TIGER SEALING TECHNIQUE: KIRIN DRIVE!"_ Reflexes augmented with Aschen's melee speed, Haken jabbed at Muzagiborou's elbow with 'her' free arm, dislocating it and forcing the Youma to drop O'Malley. Before he could mount a proper defense, though, Haken started barraging him with lightning kicks to the gut, then rapid jabs to the face, then an uppercut that sent him several dozen feet in the air. Not sparing a second, the fused Sailor flipped into a handstand, then pushed 'her'self into the air, legs cutting a hole through the Youma as ascent met descent.

Muzagiborou's battered corpse melted into the night as Haken neared the apex of the jump, at which point Aschen's soul disengaged itself and streamed back into its proper body. This left Haken…_unprepared_ to free-fall from 20 feet in the air, almost head-first. "Whoaaa, what the craaaaap?" Luckily, Kaguya and O'Malley were bracing for the fall, and the former managed to catch 'her' before bone could meet pavement. "…Huh. Airbags really DO save lives."

"Shut up."

[Later, aboard the Zeit Krokodil…]

Finally back home and in male form, Haken decided it was high time O'Malley spilled the beans regarding the night's events. "It's fairly obvious that we won't be facing the one guy. How many more Youma are we going to have to deal with, and how far are they going to be spread out?"

"The prophecies were never quite clear on how many they'd bring. Yer a keen lad to be asking the second part, though. It's said that they seek to consume the City of Mirrors as they start pouring into this world, and that nearly the whole of their forces will be committed to this."

"And with Trodel Stadt being one big, shiny metropolis…"

"Ye guessed it. If this world is to survive, it'll be needing the services of the Frontier Senshi for a while yet."

"Frontier Senshi?"

"…The ancients also spoke of lucrative marketing deals and the need to establish brand identity."

"Suuuure, that's the 'Ancients' talking."

"I wouldn't be so hasty to dismiss this train of thought," Aschen interjected. "Even with the need to maintain secrecy about our identities, there's always the chance for a photo op or two with cash payment…"

"Do you honestly think I'd stoop so low as to perform super-heroics for money?"

"…Yes."

"…OK, you got me. But the official line is gonna be that at least I have a way to go out in public in girl form and not be totally jittery about it."

"Tell yourself what you want, but I KNOW you'll go for any loot that pops up during our adventures."

"I can't help it if the money's attracted to me! Or the power. Or the women."

"…Is he naturally this confident, or did he get it from years of having it easy?"

"A little from Column A, a little from Column B. But if it ain't broke…"

**[Episode 1 END]**

* * *

[Next Episode Preview]

Haken: How do you expect readers to walk into the gender-bender dynamic cold turkey? I barely spent five or six lines as a guy this episode!

Kaguya: Don't worry, we've got you lined up for plenty of man-service in the next one!

Suzuka: You're just saying that 'cause the "Kamen" part of the show's title entails his ass being covered in spandex.

Kaguya: Am not! But seriously, Haken's masculine side takes center stage in the next episode, as he faces a slightly more down-to-earth threat to the Endless Frontier! **On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 2: Commence Virtuous Henshin! Kamen Rider TheSnake!**

Suzuka: Age hasn't slowed you down one bit…

Haken: The VR training helped.


	2. Episode 2: Kamen Rider TheSnake!

**[PROLOGUE AND LEGAL]**  
[On the computer in Marion's lab…]

"Well, it looks like we've survived the test market phase intact." Suzuka closed the current browser tab. "Then again, we've currently only posted the fic to places where the hits aren't counted."

"Aww, and I wanted to tear apart some trolls, too."

"You'll get your chance soon enough, Kaguya. They're only resting 'cause there's spambots to pick up the slack. In the meantime, you want to do the disclaimer?"

"Eh, as long as I'm down here…" Kaguya cleared her throat. "Super Robot Wars/Taisen and Endless Frontier are TM and © Banpresto, Namco Bandai, and/or Monolith Soft as appropriate, and licensed to Atlus USA accordingly. Kamen Rider and Sailor Moon are TM and © Toei, though the latter technically belongs to Toei Animation instead. Ranma ½ is TM and © Shogakukan and VIZ Media. Metal Gear is TM and © Kojima Productions and Konami. Rights of scenario based on unholy, not-for-profit combinations of any or all of the above (and/or other trademarks featured but not attributed), including this very document, are reserved to Team Phantom Tiger where appropriate."

"…Unholy?"

"Well, what just God would-"

"Let's save the religious soapboxing for the author's personal correspondence, OK?"  
**[/PROLOGUE AND LEGAL]**

**Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00**  
An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/'s Haken Browning

**Episode 2: Commence Virtuous Henshin! Kamen Rider TheSnake!**

[In the Zeit Krokodil's briefing room...]**  
**

"Captain, I know you've been given to some…irregular behaviors as of late," Lee Ly's fur bristled as the memories of Haken's first day as a girl refreshed themselves in his mind. "But this has to take the cake!"

"Strategizing is an irregular behavior now?" Guy!Haken continued poring over the maps of Trodel Stadt's metropolitan sectors, O'Malley perched on his shoulder. "You'll be thanking me when the ladies and I can throw off this Neo-Youma crowd with a single-digit casualty rate. As it stands now, however, we're dangerously lacking in three things: the ability to detect Youma before or right after they strike, a quick way to get civilians out of the way of Youma, and – most importantly – a way to get the Frontier Senshi quickly INTO the way of Youma."

"'Tis a real shame, lad," O'Malley piped up. "The Mugen Amulets were forged in a time when a city center needed only a thousand people at a time to be 'bustling' rather than ten thousand – and apparently, t'were forged FOR such a time as well."

Lee bared his fangs before rejoining the discussion. "I'm fairly confident Marion can cook up a rapid insertion system given a week or so and things readily available to the Zeit, but those other two problems are largely people issues. And you know who you'd have to talk with to get those resolved."

Haken winced. "Don't remind me – John Moses has seen it all, but he doesn't take lightly to weirdness within his own family."

"Och, even if ye WEREN'T lily-livered 'bout revealing your 'feminine side', it's not like ye could just pop into City Hall and say 'Hey, Pops! I'm in cahoots with a magical vigilante team and we'd like to set up a hotline and an emergency exit system,' right?"

The strains of "Another Time Diver" suddenly filled the room. "Hang on, that's me." Lee withdrew his cell phone from his vest and answered it. "Lee speaking…Yeah, we're actually shooting the breeze right now, wanna talk to him? …In person? I'll let him know. …All right, I'll pass that along too. Talk to you later, sir." The were-tiger ended the call and turned to the cowboy and his Mutant Eye pet/advisor. "It looks like you may have a chance to talk business after all. Pops says he needs you in his office ASAP…and he says it's got something to do with monster attacks."

O'Malley had to jump off Haken's shoulder to avoid freezing his paws amid the ensuing shivers.

[Trodel Stadt City Hall – Elevator going up…]

Haken exhaled what had to be his 20th or 30th deep breath since entering the city's administration building. _OK, just like the gang said…Let's just treat this like any other bounty call. No need to spill the beans about the Jusyenko thing unless he asks…_

The elevator reached its destination, a sparsely furnished antechamber whose only other outlet was the door to John Moses' office. Haken planted a thumb on the intercom button. "Hey, Dad, it's me. Lee said you had a monster problem?"

_"Yeah, I see you in today's Guestbook now. Door's open."_ The right-side door automatically unlatched, allowing Haken to push his way inside.

John glanced up from the computer, gesturing for his son to take one of the seats. "I take it you're familiar with the latest monster attack in this city?"

"Last night's Oro Sushi incident? I heard that one was taken care of with minimal damage."

"Not that. There was another one about two hours afterward on the other side of the city – and you'll have to forgive me, but I was asking a trick question. No one's been told of THIS one yet, because it concerns state secrets. At 12:05 this morning, the City Guard's Special Mechanical Division apprehended a two-meter-tall humanoid with no known equivalent in any of Lost Herencia's various rogue camps and monster packs."

"One of the ancient dimension-jumping ships' mutant contingent, then?"

"It wasn't one of those, either. The SMD would know, being made of repurposed WR-series androids found inside those vessels. What makes this monster unique is how tough it was to bring down – despite its bulk, it was able to dodge gunfire from multiple simultaneous trajectories and STILL have room to counter anything that tried getting into melee. 20 of our tin cans eventually had to form a suicide gatling circle to trap this creature on two axes."

"SMD's involvement has to be the reason behind your media blackout…but what makes you think I can do what 20 robots had to kill themselves to do AND come out alive in the process?"

"Funny story about that…Apparently, this guy had a partner who struck Formido Heim about two months ago and they'd been developing a new system to match or neutralize whatever was granting those superhuman reaction times ever since. They've dubbed this sort of thing 'Alert Phase' – a phenomenon that raises the monster's spatial awareness far beyond the average humanoid's."

"And you want to trust me with that system?"

"Bingo. Ezel liquidated one of his prototypes after he'd miniaturized the system enough to make it Orchestral Army standard issue. These creatures – 'Infiltrajin', the Formido intelligence has dubbed them – are likely moving from one city to another across the Endless Frontier, hitting whoever can't stop them. What purpose they'd have in doing so besides exploiting that weakness, though, I have no idea."

"Do you think they're working with the Yo-with the monster behind the Oro Sushi attack?"

"They're a hell of a lot less vocal than the Youma. If the two are working together, they sure don't let it on – given the eyewitness accounts from Oro, we're looking at two entirely different MOs and skill sets. Infiltrajin strike one at a time, Youma bring a party of lackeys. But both of them being immune or nigh-immune to bullets like this is not helping my case in the political arena." John withdrew two things from under his desk: a silver attaché case which he pushed towards Haken, and a flask of whiskey which he took a swig from. "I've already got lobbyists on my ass wanting private gun ownership razed in order to expand the City Guard's role in protecting Herencia… Most of 'em are your idiot art-major types from Elfetale or Amahara, but calling them out on it would be about as useful as taking garden shears to my balls."

"So you want me to take whatever's in this case, use it to kick monster ass, and hopefully be done with it by the next election."

"That's about the gist of it."

"…You utter _bastard_. I fight for my share of selfish reasons, but votes aren't one of them."

"You'd gamble the safety of half a million people in this city on that kind of holier-than-thou rationale? …Maybe hanging out with two princesses is starting to get to your head. I've got half a mind to call up Kaguya's father and have him cut her pilgrimage short agai-"

"Whoa, whoa, let's not get hasty here, Dad. I said that I wouldn't fight for votes…not that I didn't have my OWN selfish reasons to bother fighting." Haken unlatched the attaché. "Nor did I even say that I wouldn't take you up on your offer."

"…You got me there. Well then, you're already halfway into opening the package, let's see how well it goes with the rest of your gear." Haken lifted the attaché lid, twisting the case to allow both him and John to see…

"…It's a belt."

"Yep."

"How the hell am I supposed to fend off superhuman creatures with a BELT? And don't say anything about it unlocking the true power of my pants. I know full well what's going on THERE."

"…I'm not even going to dignify that with a response. The belt syncs to you, you use it to transform into a high-performance warrior equipped with bleeding-edge, magic-augmented digital technology, and then you use the cards from the hip pouch to blow the enemy to smithereens."

"Ah, I get it. Just like one of my Amahara moon toons."

"That's what I first thought. Makes you wonder who the Orchestral Army tapped for its design te-" John was interrupted by a shrill alarm emanating from his computer. "Oh, hell, I was hoping you'd get a chance to read the manual first."

"An attack on City Hall?"

"Luckily, no. But apparently our Infiltrajin guest has found a way out of confinement. You'll need to put him down for good before he escapes the basement jail."

"…31 floors. That's about a minute's handicap on both sides." Grabbing the belt and clipping it around his waist, Haken bolted for the elevator.

_…Going for the cold opening, huh? Once again, all I can do is pray you know what you're doing…_ John took another swig of his whiskey.

[Trodel Stadt City Hall – Elevator going down…]

The doors opened to the basement just as Haken pocketed the belt's manual. "All right, where is this big lug?" A green blur whizzing down the far hallway answered that question. "Ugh, super speed. If Dad wanted to say these Infiltrajin had THAT, he could've just said so."

A shrill "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" echoed from the Infiltrajin's current position, followed by the grating of mangled metal. Apparently he had to stop to kill. _That guardbot must have not detected him until it was too late. I was hoping to be a little flashier about this, but I might not have much of a choice…_ "…**Solid On.**"

The belt materialized around Haken's waist, card pouch attached to right hip and buckle signaling ready status. _Now then… ball left fist at the waist and extend right chop hand forward, hold one, then rapid switch to right grasping pouch dial and left arm crossed over chest chopping._ "…Wait, what the hell am I thinking? **This is a Sneaking Henshin!**" Skipping the hand gesture brouhaha, he clicked the hip pouch's dial one setting forward, sending the belt beeping and blinking to life.

**[GEAR UP: NAKED NORMAL]**

A warmth not unlike that of the transformation into Sailor W00 coursed through Haken's body as the belt's systems transformed his cowboy getup into a concrete gray suit of armor. Were he pressed against the right wall, the only things that could give away his position would be his helmet's forest green eyes and the bandanna straps extending from the back of his head like a samurai's topknot.

**[CODEC CALL: AUTOMATIC ACCEPT]**

A buzzing in the side of the helmet prompted Haken to press against the wall. _"I take it you've got transforming down pat."_

"Dad?"

_"Yeah. I'm keeping tabs on the basement map right now, trying to guess the Infiltrajin's movement as it takes out our guards."_ Another "EEEEEEEEEEEEE!" rang out in the distance as John continued. _"I just lost #28's signal. He's moving toward the east parking garage!"_

Haken darted eastward. "So we have an idea how to find him, now how the heck do I actually fight?"

_"Kamen Rider TheSnake's powers are encoded on the cards inside your hip pouch. There's all sorts of weapons and gadgets that can be added to your armor just by swiping the appropriate card through the belt buckle. Try it out right now using the 'Mei Ling' card – it'll give your helmet a radar readout that'll show you what I'm seeing."_

"'Mei Ling'? You couldn't have just named it a Radar card or whatever?"

_"It's half-magic. The cards are tied to a variety of arcane themes whose names, meanings, and important figures aren't fully understood yet."_

"Marketing backdoor. Got it."

_"What? This has nothing to do with marketi-"_

"Can't hear you, Dad, I'm busy giving the kids at home something to drool over for Christmas!" Haken withdrew the appropriate card and swiped it through the buckle.

**[SKILL RIDE: MEI LING]**

_"…Wild dreams of commercialism aside, it looks like the card data transferred successfully. You ought to see a bare-bones overhead map of the jail in part of your right eye."_

"Yellow dot in the middle is me, I guess?"

_"You got it. The guard robots should be reporting as red dots with cones sticking out that denote their field of vision. Our unknown is beginning to register thermally, so you'll have to watch out for a red dot without a cone moving really fast. Once you make contact, be prepared to use the 'Roy Campbell' card to nullify his Alert Phase."_

*clonk* "Sorry, I didn't get that last part. I was busy making contact." The Infiltrajin had apparently been running from the North at breakneck pace toward Haken's position…and collided with his outstretched left fist in cartoony fashion.

_"The 'Roy Campbell' card! Quick, before he recovers!"_

"How's that going to shut off his super-reflexes?"

_"You'll see."_ Haken hastily swiped the card.

**[ATTACK RIDE: ROY CAMPBELL]**

Explosions sparked around the creature from thin air, producing small showers of sparks and the occasional cloud of what appeared to be green pixels blurring together before fading away.

_"Yes! You've compromised his Alert Phase aura! Now, use the 'Solid Snake' card and wrap this thing up!"_

"I swear you're trying to sell these to the kiddies. Why else would the most powerful card be named after the belt?"

_"Just kill the thing so you can go back to…whatever it is you do between bounties."_

**[FINAL ATTACK RIDE: T-T-T-TheSnake]**

One last "EEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" escaped the Infiltrajin's mandibles as TheSnake's hands and feet started glowing red. "RIDER PUNCH!" The left fist went into the gut, knocking the monster's last wind out of its sails. Instead of going for the kick, though, Haken slipped around to its back.

_"Haken, what the hell?"_

"No room to kick him. Gotta do the next best thing." And then his right arm tightened around the Infiltrajin's neck. "RIDER CHOKE!" A single jerking motion tore through the connections between the green creature's head and body with an audible crack. Once the body stopped twitching, Haken dropped it and backed away before it inexplicably combusted.

_"…What. The. FUCK."_

"It's called Kamen Rider TheSnake, right? Then I ought to be able to fight like a snake does – sneak by a foe, outwit it, maybe poison it a little, then get a good enough grip around them and _snap!_ – things get disconnected that shouldn't be disconnected."

_"Yeah, well, for all that crazy talk you were spouting about 'selling to the kiddies', you sure just went and made it FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE to market to the TV-Y7FV crowd. We can't have little kids playing pretend and snapping each other's necks!"_

"Look, if you're really that upset about this sort of thing, then I promise I won't Rider Choke anything that attacks in public. Right now, though, we're in a contained environment that no small child has any business in, so _nyeh_."

_"…I can't see you raspberrying me over the Codec, dumbass."_

"Hell, my tongue can't even extend all the way for it. Stupid mouthguard."

[Back at the Zeit…]

One **Solid Off** and a debriefing later, Haken was greeted at the Zeit Krokodil's loading ramp by the whole gang, including a Lee and O'Malley obviously trying to hold back some laughter. "…All right, what's the big idea?"

"Oh, we were just thinking…if you had to tell your father about the curse, he'd be all 'you better be telling the truth, this is far too stupid to work as a lie…' And then we remembered John's appetite for 'escorts,' and O'Malley put two and two together and-" Lee burst into laughter at the ensuing images of Girl!Haken doing…_things_ for 'her' adoptive father.

"You may as well wipe that grin off your face; we never got to discuss the whole Youma encounter streamlining plan. In fact, I'm starting to entertain the possibility that Dad actually already knows and is just screwing with me."

"On what grounds, lad?"

"Well, I thought two secret identities would be crazy enough to juggle, but…" Haken willed the TheSnake belt into view. "…Now he's gone and thrown me a third chainsaw."

Suzuka was the quickest to go wide-eyed. "Uhh…Did I ever compute the spread for 'Haken goes to discuss superpowers, comes back with MORE superpowers'?"

"I think my bet's the closest one for this situation." Dr. Marion Sumii's face erupted with a beaming grin. "Now then, that was 30 bucks on 'Haken goes off and comes back with cool techno thing'…"

"You're just saying that because you want the 20:1 payout!"

"Now, now, let's all just be glad the boys lost." Kaguya pulled Suzuka back before she could throttle the elven scientist. "Though I don't think I'd mind seeing 'Haken-chan' in a maid outfit anytime soon…"

Haken facepalmed as he trudged up the ramp. The last thing he needed to deal with in this transgendered superheroic debacle was Kaguya trying to make a kink out of every possible outcome.

**[Episode 2 END]**

* * *

[Next Episode Preview]

Aschen: I know it's only been two episodes, Captain, but you've already had an inordinate amount of screen time.

Haken: I know that, so I'm leaving the focus of the next episode up to you. Close your eyes and grab an M&M out of the hat. Whoever's color is picked gets to be the next episode's star.

Aschen: …The bias is painfully obvious, Captain. Blue, green, white…these are all MY colors!

Haken: Well, I felt that the sooner we dealt with you being stuck in a meatbag body as Sailor W07, the better. Therefore, **On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 3: Aschen's Path Of Heaven! Tiger Clock Up!**

Kaguya: How did Haken get ahold of white M&Ms?

Suzuka: These aren't M&Ms, they're York Peppermint Pieces!

O'Malley: He's messin' with the natural order, lassies! Head for the hills!


	3. Episode 3: Aschen's Path of Heaven!

**FFN Special Note:** A quick rundown of the speech cues:  
"normal speech"  
_thoughts or sound effects  
"digitally communicated speech"  
_**"transformation or attack speech"  
**"{speech by possessing consciousness}" (possessed character thinks)  
- /m/'s Haken

* * *

[In the Zeit Krokodil's dining room…]

"Mail call!" Lee dropped the day's stack of letters in the middle of the table where our heroes (well, heroines and one either/or variable) were about to dig into lunch.

"Bill, bill, coupons, ad, coupons…" Guy!Haken sifted through the stack. "…'nother ad, 'nother bill, lingerie catalog…man, Marion must keep herself on that mailing list just to screw with me and Lee."

"Take another look, Captain." Aschen grabbed the catalog in question and turned it so the whole group could see its front. "Do you honestly believe Marion would have signed herself up for 'Change-Up'?"

"…I don't see what the big deal is."

Kaguya started giggling. "Pfft…Suzuka, you want to tell him, or should I?"

"I think you ought to break it to him."

"Oh, all right." Kaguya took the catalog out of Aschen's hand and opened it to a random page for Haken to see. "'Change-Up' is actually Kagura Amahara's premier retailer of casual and intimate fashions specifically designed for Spring of Drowned Girl victims and other magically induced transsexuals. Every product features enchanted polymorphic fabrics so they fit just right regardless of whether you're sporting guy or girl parts."

"And how exactly did you become aware of this business?"

"Suzuka ordered a couple pieces way back when as gag gifts for Shiki-Oni who'd fallen into the wrong springs. She'd been on the mailing list ever since and I found a couple catalogs when her mail was forwarded to Taketori Castle for a couple months."

"…Yeah, I'm just gonna excuse myself so I can figure out how to get off their mailing list…Aschen, you mind getting the disclaimer?"

"Whatever, Captain." Aschen collated the rest of the mail as Haken darted off to parts unknown with the magazine. "Super Robot Wars and related trademarks (including Endless Frontier) are TM and © Banpresto, Namco Bandai, and Monolith Soft, including as Super Robot Taisen in the United States (licensed to Atlus USA). Metal Gear is TM and © Kojima Productions and Konami Corporation. Plot enablers borrowed from Kamen Rider (TM/© Toei), Sailor Moon (TM/© Toei Animation), and Ranma ½ (TM/© Shogakukan/VIZ Media). No permission has been asked to use any of the above (or other trademarked IPs not listed), nor is any profit intended to be made by their unauthorized use herein." With the legalese out of the way, Aschen slipped into Code DTD. "And all you deviantART and FFN types, make sure you leave those reviews! Anonymous is fine too for the latter!"

O'Malley bounced into the room, landing on Haken's vacated seat. "Any of ye lasses know why the cowpoke's makin' a wish list in his room 'stead of enjoying lunch with yeselves?"

Suzuka sighed. "I figured he'd be getting off one way or another, just not off the mailing list…"

**Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00**  
An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/'s Haken Browning

**Episode 3: Aschen's Path of Heaven! Tiger Clock Up!**

**

* * *

  
**

[Lower decks of the Zeit – spare training room…]

_Thwack. Thwack. Thwack._

Haken entered the Zeit Krokodil's makeshift training room, only to find the practice dummy already engaged by Aschen in Sailor W07 form.

_Thwack. Thwack. Thwack._

"Y'know, you're never gonna break that thing with it set anywhere above Light."

_Thwack. Thwack. Thwack._ "Wasn't planning on it." Aschen connected with her last kick then set her leg down, reverting to regular form shortly after. "You remember how I wound up losing my arm and leg servos the first time we transformed, right?"

"Yeah."

"While you were thumbing through that catalog and taking a make-up lunch, I was down here trying to see how having functionally human limbs would impact my fighting style."

"And the results?"

"Not well, if the punch results are anything to go by. Compared to just locking the wires on my robot arms, I'm putting out only one-third the force for my punches in Sailor mode."

"As for the kicks?"

"Hell, I wasn't even keeping track of those. Even so, I'd say I'm only getting half power out of them – discounting the rocket repulsors, of course."

"You think having a Frontier Senshi's power is making you weaker?"

"It's…not a possibility I've been willing to entertain. Maybe it's random, or maybe it's some failsafe to make sure the admin Senshi is the strongest…Either way, it's seriously cramping my style." Aschen sighed as she inched toward the door.

"Wait…you said it might be an issue with the admin?"

"Yeah. You know how in all of those types of shows, the main magical girl is always at least one step above her comrades in powers, costume flashiness, and all that."

"Well, then, the solution's obvious. Sailor W00 needs an upgrade."

"Oh, no you don't! You just got a Rider belt a couple of days ago. If you keep stumbling upon new superpowers, what's gonna be left for the rest of us?"

"…Good point. I can't be having ALL the fun."

"Indeed, Captain. But…it seems weird that if these things were supposed to be tied to our own fighting styles, then mine would be so distant from the way I actually fight…"

"Our own fighting styles…Wait a minute…"

"Captain?"

"Get O'Malley and meet me in Marion's lab. I think we might need them both on this."

[A few minutes later…]

O'Malley's left ear-wing cocked up in sync with his eyebrow. "Ye want to do WHAT?"

"Just what any sci-fi nut would do in this sort of situation: reverse the polarity of the magic flow. Or something. Aschen, you tell 'em; the big words sound better coming out of YOU."

"Okey-dokey!" Aschen had already slipped into Code DTD for the impending technobabble storm. "Remember how the Mugen Amulets scanned us and rebuilt their powers around our own techniques?"

"Aye."

"Well, shouldn't that mean the original powers are still somewhere within the Amulets' memory banks?"

"A likely story, lass, but it'd play merry hell with your powers as a whole. Just changing forms would require all new attack incantations, new mana alignments…and that's not even getting into potential bleedthrough to the REST o' the Frontier Senshi's powers!"

"Then we don't switch them," Haken interjected.

"Since these things want to act like data as much as they do magic, then Marion could just write a patch and splice in the new abilities we need."

"Then what d'ye need ME for?"

"Troubleshooting." Aschen disengaged Code DTD and tossed O'Malley into Marion. "This'll be the first time Marion's gotten to work with a Mugen Amulet. You'll be helping her decompile and recompile the code."

"You guys sure I need the fuzzball looking over my shoulder? I mean, most of my new projects require I do the work in private…"

"Hey, it's not like he'll be Lee, getting bored because there's nothing fleshy around to sink his teeth into."

"Perhaps, Captain, but then there's always the prospect of Lee walking in on them and locking onto O'Malley as a Convenient Fleshy Thing."

"_AHEM_, Lass." The eyes on O'Malley's ears flexed open. "Freakin' Laser Beams, remember?"

"Ah, right." Aschen set her amulet on the table. "I guess we can leave the two of you to your devices, in that case."

"You're not even going to tell us exactly what new powers you want?"

"Hey, I don't know the code either. But you're both pretty familiar with my style: fast, powerful, very punch and kick-oriented. And I know Marion's track record when she surprises us, so I'm giving the two of you license to surprise me."

"Can you really call it a surprise when you expect them to surprise you?"

"…Don't try to throw me an interminable loop, Captain."

O'Malley watched as the two left the laboratory. "Like brother and sister, the two of 'em."

"Heh. You wouldn't believe how close it got to being more of a parent/child dynamic."

"Oh?"

"Long story, but you likely already know a third of it having met Haken in his…condition."

"Y'know, if it weren't for this whole Senshi business, he could just order some Spring of Drowned Man and be done with it."

"He COULD, but probably won't until he somehow stops finding it fun."

"Fun?"

"Well, aside from not wanting to tell his father for some reason, he's been finding ways to…_amuse_ himself with the prospect of on-the-fly gender reassignment."

"Amuse himse-oh. Just…oh. I know Fate be a harsh mistress at times, but…seriously? …Oooh, I think I need an aspirin and some brain bleach."

"While you're up, can you get me a tri-wing screwdriver?"

[Meanwhile, on the Zeit's top deck…]

"Y'know, it's not exactly healthy to be reclining like this right after you eat."

"Says the girl whose body fat is in ALL the right places." Suzuka cast aside her tanning mirror as she defused Kaguya's admonishment. "And you know food doesn't stick to me that well, anyway."

"Is that some sort of Shiki-Oni thing, where the only food you can keep down is raw flesh or something?"

"No, it's an 'I've lived a particularly active lifestyle for the better part of a century and my body needs every calorie to keep up' thing." The demoness turned over to expose her back to the sun's rays, taut _fundoshi_ leaving little to be imagined about her well-exercised hips. "Though I must admit, this break from dancing might be just what I needed."

"Heh, if only MY training were half as rigorous." Kaguya pulled up a second deck chair, careful not to set it down on Suzuka's haphazardly discarded jacket and skirt. "Back when I interned with the Ura Genbu, Dad was all 'We can't risk the princess's life haphazardly!' and junk, so I wound up spending more time learning how to kiss ass in high society than learning how to bust heads."

"…I can tell those lessons didn't take quite well enough."

"What, because I can handspring off a sharpened edge no wider than my finger with a pair of DDs and not miss a beat?"

"No, because your diction is slipping." Suzuka's hand drifted to brush some of her unbraided hair off to the side. "It's 'holding court', not 'kissing ass.'"

"One and the same to me, really. I mean, you're always inviting people to 'hold court' when you break out your 'extra-special dances', right?"

"Touché. Or maybe 'tushy,' given the context."

"You're not trying to get me to 'hold court' with you, are you?"

"That's all you talking." Rolling off her abdomen, Suzuka shifted from her reclining position to something a little more 'come-hither'. "Unless you're looking for a make-up lesson on refinement…But then again, I think it'd be better if we got Haken to sit in on it, too."

"But I thought you didn't dance for small groups!"

"Rules and traditions can be bent if necessary. I mean, we sort of saved the world the last time we offered a second opinion on the old ways, right?"

Kaguya giggled. "Yeah, that was a fun gig. Speaking of which, I might have stumbled upon just the thing for that lesson in refinement in the newspaper this morning…"

[Back below decks…]

"Hey, while you're at more-or-less 'full power,' do you mind helping me with something?"

"It's not like I had anything else planned for the next…when did they say they'd be done, Captain?"

"…Dammit!" Haken dashed back down the hall to the laboratory. "Sorry to rush you guys, but we never DID get an estimate on when you'd be fini-"

"How's 'too late for the next Youma' sound, lad?" O'Malley's ears were perked up uncontrollably, apparently sensing the next surge of dark energy.

"That doesn't sound good. That doesn't sound good at ALL. Did you pop Aschen's amulet open yet?"

Marion tossed the device into Haken's hands. "Would have, but frickin' Nintendo made the thing and O'Malley took a little while to find my specialized screwdrivers."

"I'll have to make do, then."

All three turned toward Aschen, who had appeared just past the doorway out in the hall.

"How far away is the target?"

O'Malley concentrated. "…West city entrance. Only a couple underlings, but the lot of 'em are made of 'goes fast.'"

"Sounds like my kind of fight."

"You and me, then?"

"…Just me."

The others gasped.

"Don' be daft, lass! Y'know ye can't seal these things by yeself!"

"…The princesses aren't quite at battle stations. If I can at least take out the grunts and minimize the damage, there'll be a wide opening for Haken and either of the ladies to swoop in and make the kill."

"I always was good at heroic rescues, but are you sure you can handle yourself until we can relieve you?"

"…I trust that you can put your lesser intentions aside, Captain."

The Mugen Amulet landed in Aschen's hand. "You've got fifteen minutes."

"I'll fight like I have ten."

[Just inside the west entrance to Trodel Stadt…]

"Kwaaaaaaaah!" The birdlike Youma puffed out his chest as he surveyed the fleeing citizens. "What kind of slowpokes ARE these people? I'm starting to think the City of Mirrors isn't the best place for the Neo-Youma Empire to be taking root…"

"Well, the heirs to the Amahara lines WERE sighted here. That's straight from the last survivor of Muzagiborou's regiment – ain't no arguing with a man who's looked death in the eye!"

"I know THAT, Izu!" The bird-man shot a glare to his similarly-built companion. "I'm just saying, these people just aren't worth us ruling! I mean, look-" With nary an indicator save a couple feathers shaking off and the whoosh of air being displaced, the Youma was gone from his inferior's side and in front of a straggling salaryman. "-On top of these humans looking like the wrong gust of wind could snap their heads off, they're so SLOW!" As quickly as the bird had spooked the human, he was back at his partner's side – his presence in front of the human replaced with a sharp pang in the bystander's nether regions. "Can't even bring myself to KILL the fellow, he ain't worth the effort."

"What of the unknowns, sir?"

"Hell, I don't even care anymore. What say you and Langley find a nice, wide office building for us to ransack, hmm? I want our forward base up by nightfall."

"The only thing that'll be going up tonight is your carcass on a spit." The two Youma turned to face the new speaker. Aschen was dragging the third of their number by his collar, an uncharacteristic grin for normal mode playing across her face. "Man, I hope the rest of you Youma are as sloppy as HE was." The subdued bird-man was thrown forward.

Izu smirked. "Madam, I don't know how you can make that sort of boast, but you'll find that Lieutenant Aviano is hardly 'sloppy.'"

"Hey, I was gonna say that! …Ah, screw it. I'll get Langley on his feet, you humor her until we get reinforcements."

"With pleasure, sir." The subordinate bird-man struck a fighting pose.

As did Aschen. **"Tiger Frontier Fusion!"** The android grimaced as her more mechanical features melted and smoothed into the human extremities of Sailor W07.

"One of the unknowns, hmm? This'll be a fun afternoon after all." Izu darted out of Aschen's field of vision with his own super speed.

"'Made of goes fast,' huh? Nothing I couldn't fix with a TIGER SCYTHE KI-" As Aschen launched into the spin kick, Izu knocked her off balance with a knee in the spine.

"Oops, almost didn't see that speed bump!"

"Grrr…" Aschen swung around with a fist to compensate, prompting Izu to shift where her back was now exposed…

…only to get her off-pivot foot in his gut for his trouble. "Kwaaaaaaaaaaah!" A hand over his windpipe silenced his screaming.

"You're just lucky I can't finish you off on my own." Suddenly, a beeping noise. "Or can I? Let me get this." Aschen's other hand withdrew her Mugen Amulet from inside her skirt. "This better be good, my hands are full already with one out of three."

[En route to the city entrance…]

Girl!Haken pressed the unfolded Amulet to 'her' ear as the remaining Frontier Senshi raced into the oasis limits of Trodel Stadt. "O'Malley found his manual – turns out there's a way to access the old powers without having to take the Amulet apart!"

_"How?"_

"Phone keypad in the unfolded mode. Hold Pound, enter code…Yours is 5-2-8; he's still scouring the liner notes for the other three."

_"Wish I'd known this earlier; turns out these three were push-delay that, their backup's arrived."_

[In the hot zone…]

A small contingent of the Youma ninja underlings oozed up from the earth as Aschen tightened the grip around her hostage. "5-2-8, you said?"

_"Yeah, and get this – you can actually seal a Youma yourself if you force a burnout! O'Malley obviously doesn't recommend that, but-"_

"Tell him if he objects, we'll be having rabbit stew tonight." Aschen hung up, tossing Izu to the ground before inputting the code.

*cough* "Lucky numbers?" The other two bird Youma took positions among their mooks as Izu picked himself up off the floor.

"…For me, at least." A clasp appeared at the waistline of Sailor W07's fuku, which Aschen attached the Amulet to in anticipation of what was to come.

"Y'know, you only got me with a lucky shot. There's no way you can keep up with the speed of all three of us!"

"Can't blame me for try-" Aschen stumbled, head in one hand.

"What's the matter? Realized trying to match us in speed would disintegrate your bones?"

"…No…"

**[CAST OFF – CHANGE LAMIA]**

Aschen rose to face Izu, wearing the same expression from when she took out Langley earlier. "Walking the path of Heaven…I set the pace for all others to follow."

"Just 'cause you took off your ribbon doesn't mean you can get rid of me that easi-"

**"Tiger Clock Up!"**

[Within the space of a blink of an eye…]

"…No, but THIS does."

Izu was flabbergasted that Aschen was matching his supersonic movements. "You…you ought to be liquefied moving at this speed…"

"…You ought to be still." A punch knocked Izu into one of the ninja, shattering it like an ice sculpture from the motion transfer in real time. When the bird Youma failed to get back up…wait, he wasn't failing, Aschen was just moving at super speed while HE wasn't! "Hate to kick you when you're down, but… _TIGER SEALING TECHNIQUE: GENBU HAMMER!_" Leaping into the air, Aschen focused her energy into her outstretched right foot before bringing it down on Izu's head.

[Back in real time…]

Izu's body dissipated almost as soon as it hit the ground, replaced with an exhausted and de-morphed Aschen. "Hey, that was my best sergeant you just killed!"

"And he owed ME ten bucks!"

"You're ruining the moment, Langley! But it looks like you could only pull that trick once…Nevertheless, the operation is a shambles thanks to you, so I'll make sure your death lasts long enough for me to wring every last ounce of pain from you!"

"Sod off, you overgrown chicken!"

"What the-"

"Oh, hey guys…the birds move in some sort of dilated time…I just put down their third when the secondary powers let me in…"

The other three Senshi took their positions. **"Phantom Frontier Fusion!"**

**"Blossom Frontier Fusion!"**

** "Fever Frontier Fusion!** Oh-hohohoho!"

Kaguya/Sailor Nanbu glared at Suzuka/Sailor GUN-Oh as Haken/Sailor W00 spoke. "Aschen, can you move a body?"

"I'm still feeling a little stiff, but-"

"I said A body, not YOUR body." Haken jerked 'her' thumb at Suzuka.

"Yeah, I can move a body. Rate's double for live ones, though."

"Hey, who decided I'D be doing the fusion?"

"You called dibs with that creepy laugh. If it makes you feel better, though…" Kaguya raised her sword up high. "…at least you won't have to deal with the small fries. _NANBU BLADE BLOSSOM!"_

Suzuka pouted as the whirling metal shards obliterated the ninjas and forced the two remaining bird Youma to evade. "…Fine, I'll wrap this one up – but only 'cause those paper cuts you're giving the birdies actually seem to slow them down enough."

"Huh? I was just trying to draw them inwa-"

"Suzuka's got a point." Haken's finger followed a thin but recognizable disturbance in the shrapnel cloud's motion. "They've gotta be caught in that storm and forcing the Blade Blossom bits to travel around or through them. Kaguya, keep it up until there's only one of those blockages!"

"OK, but…why only one?"

"In case Suzuka can't deliver."

"Them's fighting words!" Suzuka plugged in her Amulet's Sealing Chip. **"Frontier Sealing Formation: Phantom Fever!"**

Haken winced as Suzuka's soul pounced into 'her' body. "{Did you forget already that I'm no one-trick pony?}"

_Is it going to hurt for you to remind me?_

"{Eh, not you, at least.}" Otherworldly boxes formed up on Sailor W00's gloves and boots. _"PHANTOM FEVER SEALING TECHNIQUE: BOMBARD BOOGALOO!"_ The forward-facing sides of each box ignited with laser pulses shooting outward.

_Hey, you aren't even shooting where Kaguya's got them pinned!_

"{Wait for it…}" The shrapnel cloud slowed as Kaguya's focus waned, revealing Aviano and Langley disengaging their super speed to recuperate. "{Now!}" A fan materialized in Haken's hand, which Suzuka pointed at the bird-men. The streams of light extending from the glove/boot emitters bent accordingly, piercing and eventually swallowing both Youma.

Suzuka's exit from Haken's body left the latter gasping as the three relief Senshi de-morphed. "Whoa…feeling kinda dizzy…"

Kaguya frowned. "Oh, great, it's one of THOSE shows where the finishing move kills the hero if he uses it too much."

"Nah, it's not THAT sort of dizzy…I just realized…with that last attack…now all three of you have been inside me at one point…"

Aschen clonked the white-haired pervert in the back of 'her' head. "Mind out of the gutter, Captain, we have to evacuate!"

[Aboard the Zeit…]

"Well, THAT was strangely convenient. Turns out the stock Sailor powers happen to be able to handle a Youma all by themselves–" Aschen's hand darted for O'Malley's neck. "–Which, I might add, runs contrary to what you said about us requiring the lead Sailor's assistance."

*hack* "…There's a good reason I had to hide it from ye, lass…"

"That being?"

"…If I told ye now, it'd be impossible for ye to comprehend…"

"I've made sense of some pretty impossible things. Try me."

"The only hint I can give ye is in how ye have to overload the blamed thing."

"All right, Aschen, you can put him down." Guy!Haken wiped off the remaining damp spots on his face with a paper towel. "No sense biting the hand that feeds us before the kitchen closes."

"As long as you're not hot-dogging it for 'marketing' purposes, I'll allow it." The android set the Mutant Eye down. "Just remember that I know my code now, and we can access the other three if their use becomes absolutely necessary, got it?"

*pyuuuuu* "A-Aye, lass. I only pray your definition of 'absolutely necessary' is as narrow as mine…"

"Maybe there's another good reason for Marion to have a look at these, after all." Haken tossed his Mugen Amulet a couple of times. "Could we avert this incomprehensible (but likely bad) fate with a little hotwiring?"

"Right now, I'd be more concerned about your lady love's plans for ye." O'Malley withdrew something from his ear and handed it to Haken.

"Huh, a ticket…for the OPERA?"

[Episode 3 END]

[Next Episode Preview]

Guy!Haken: Do you honestly expect me to attend the opera?

Kaguya: Of course not! *throws cold water in Haken's face* I expect HER to.

Girl!Haken: This doesn't exactly help things.

Kaguya: Oh, lighten up! A little culture will do you good.

Aschen: This could only have been borne of Kaguya's need to present Haken as an ideal husband.

Suzuka: Yeah, if her ideal husband was actually her wife.

O'Malley: Or it could just be padding to keep the next big twist from coming too early.

Suzuka: That too.

Kaguya: Either way, **On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 4: Resonance of a Woman's Sorrow! Il Tragedia di Eva!**

Girl!Haken: Wouldn't this be better as a Christmas special?

Kaguya: Oh, now people are gonna be getting ideas…

* * *

**Author's Note:** First reviewer to guess what's next gets a special shout-out when I start doing Net Shorts.  
- /m/'s Haken


	4. Episode 4: Resonance of a Woman's Sorrow

FFN SPECIAL NOTE: Today's special text cues include:  
"(speech in a foreign language)"  
_"electronically transmitted speech"  
_**"Henshin and attack effects"  
**_**"Otherworldly happenings during speech"**_

Also, nobody guessed. It'll be fairly obvious shortly, though.  
- /m/'s Haken

* * *

[In the back of a limo cruising the streets of Trodel Stadt…]

"Kaguya, I still don't entirely get it…why the opera?"

"Because it's unhealthy for you to be a girl just when you're fighting monsters or getting your jollies." Kaguya put her arm around Girl!Haken's back. "You've got to experience a woman's sorrow, the feelings and circumstances behind her longing for companionship…and regular theatre just won't cut it."

"Couldn't we have just stayed in and watched a Lifetime movie or something?"

"Pfft, please." Suzuka scoffed from the opposite side of the cabin. "Every one of those tacky films starts with a man screwing up the woman's life, keeps going with more men not caring how screwed up the woman's become, and ends with still ANOTHER man swooping in and magically fixing the woman."

"…That and we couldn't risk your male side rooting for the bad guys."

"That was uncalled for, Aschen…though you're probably right." Haken smirked for a split-second. "Hey, you mind if I flip through that playbill real quick? My High Amaharan's still kinda rusty and I think I'm going to have to read along."

"Sure, but don't go past the first act just yet – can't have you spoiling yourself now."

"Duly noted." Haken plucked the pamphlet from the android's hand and flipped to the inside front cover. "OK…Endless Frontier TM and © Monolith Soft, in care of Banpresto and Namco Bandai as part of Super Robot Wars…Metal Gear TM and © Konami and Kojima Productions…Kamen Rider and Sailor Moon TM/© Toei, including Toei Animation for the latter…Ranma ½ TM and © Shogakukan and VIZ Media…Oh, this is a new one – Parasite Eve TM and © Square Enix, based on the Kadokawa Horror Bunko of the same name by Hideaki Sena!"

Suzuka laughed as she fanned herself. "In all my years, I've met only two or three people who could get this excited about a disclaimer."

"It just feels nice to give credit where credit is due. Speaking of which…" Haken turned the page. "…No profit is intended to be made by the unauthorized use of these or other trademarks in this production, and no permission or endorsement of their use has been granted."

"All right, enough with the legalese." Releasing her embrace of Haken, Kaguya unlatched the limousine door, stepping out onto the curb before offering her hand for 'her' to take. "You'll never enjoy the show if you think too much about what's going on behind the scenes."

**Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00**  
An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/'s Haken Browning

**Episode 4: Resonance of a Woman's Sorrow! Il Tragedia di Eva!**_  
(Translator's Note: ITA to ENG – The Tragedy of Eva)_

_

* * *

  
_

[Cargo Hall entrance…]

"Now remember, for tonight your name is 'Haruka Brodel' – you're Aschen's adopted daughter and the new liaison between the Kagura Amahara royal court and that of the Shiki-Oni."

"All right, as long as nobody second-guesses a robot adopting a human who looks about three-fourths her own age."

"You don't need to worry about that, Hak-er, Haruka." Aschen peeled one of the elbow-length gloves off her forearm. "Even without these, only the people who care will notice that I'm just wearing my formal arms and legs tonight."

"My concern was more about the age gap."

"Oh." Aschen replaced the glove. "We'll just say you filled out early. You kinda did, after all."

'Haruka' giggled. "True, true. Now then, who has the time? Curtain's supposed to rise at 8:00."

Kaguya patted herself down. "Dang, forgot my watch. Suzuka?"

"Don't carry one. Time doesn't mean much to me."

"Wait…could we check the time using one of THOSE?"

"Haruka, you couldn't honestly be thinking of-"

"It's 8:03." Aschen closed her Mugen Amulet and reattached it to the waist clip under her dress. "…What? Everyone else checks the time on their cell phones these days, only difference with us is that ours do, well…more."

"…Eh, that makes sense. But more importantly, we're late!"

"_Fashionably_ late."

"Just because we're late and we're fashionable doesn't imply the combination, Suzuka. C'mon!" Beckoning the other three ladies forward, Kaguya thrust her handful of tickets into the hands of the waiting usher. "Nanbu, party of four. Sorry, we're in kind of a rush."

"…Ma'am, I'm the doorman. Ticket usher's in the lobby."

The princess blushed. "nyoro~n…"

[Inside the theatre…]

"Wait, we got the cheap seats?"

"You don't get a balcony box until you get tenure, Haruka."

"…So when do I get tenure?"

"Maybe later tonight, if you behave."

"Your definition of tenure's about as shaky as…well, a LOT of things I define with innuendo."

"Quiet, you two, the big opening number's about to start." Kaguya and 'Haruka' shifted their focus towards the stage, where the production's lead, Prince Edward, was about to proclaim his love.

"(Father, please give me permission to marry Eva.)" The mauve-clad noble strutted forward, imploring his desire to the king.

"(I forbid it!)" The wizened elder began gesticulating with his scepter as Edward bowed. "(You know well what will happen if you do! Those who succumb to her beauty ALL die in horrible ways!)"

"(You don't understand!)" Edward rose, determined to stand at his love's side. "(SHE is the one that has suffered after the deaths!)"

"(SHE is EVIL! Guard, grab her!)" An extra snapped to attention, halberd raised briefly in salute to His Majesty. "(And…BURN her at the stake!)"

The guard began crossing towards Eva, but Edward closed the distance and stayed his hand. "(Father! If you are sentencing her to death…then I ask you to take my life along with hers…)" This plea came on one knee, Edward's head bowed in anticipation of the guard's pike crashing down on his neck following the fate to befall Eva.

"(Edward…)" Eva leaned toward the prince, lifting him from his prostration in one last tearful embrace before turning towards the audience.

The aria that next escaped her lips was something incomprehensible in any language. 'Haruka' made a point to embrace the tone and inflection of the music, the long-faded syllables melting into an elegy for the star-crossed love. Tears started to well up in 'her' eyes as the higher notes formed a plea that Edward continue to live, that he would forgive those sending Eva to this fate…

…And then Edward burst into flames.

"What…"

Then the guard.

"The…"

Then a member of the orchestra pit.

"…Fu…no, wait…Suzuka, is there anything stronger than 'fuck' yet?"

"Nope."

"Well, there better be, 'cause we fuckin' NEED it."

Audience members started combusting, turning the first few rows of the theatre into an inferno. Our heroines decided to take the hint, following the other patrons in the middle rows to the aisles…

…Suddenly, 'Haruka's' Mugen Amulet buzzed. 'She' unflipped it to take the call. "O'Malley?"

_"I just picked up a massive dark energy spike near your position, lass. And…*sniff sniff* …Do I smell something burning?"_

"More like someONE; we're damn near at Ground Zero. The diva's at the eye of the storm, and pretty much everyone within twenty feet of her burst into flames when she hit the glass-cracker."

_"The Amulets ought to protect ye, even if you're not transformed. Get in there and shut her up!"_

"Roger that!" 'Haruka' hung up. "Change of plans, ladies."

"The diva's a Youma?"

"What else COULD she be?"

"A high-schooler who developed telekinetic powers out of her abject hatred of her mother's inability to properly explain the menstrual cycle and the student body's mockery of her for that lack of understanding?"

"…Suzuka, you gotta start going to bed the same time as the rest of us."

"Also, there isn't NEARLY enough pig's blood here."

"Kaguya, don't encourage her." Aschen surveyed the scene of carnage. "Looks like she only managed to get as far back as the fifth row, and everyone else has evacuated…except this one guy wondering why WE haven't left yet as well."

"Then we may as well show him we got this. **Frontier Fusion Formation!"**

The last bystander bolted for the exit as a bright flash enveloped the quartet. Assuming their Sailor forms, the girls rushed the stage. "You there, who would pervert the fire in these people's souls!" 'Haruka' jabbed a pointer finger at the diva. "We, the Frontier Senshi, cannot forgive this assault on innocent patrons of the theater, if not theatre itself! Now, return to the shadow world from whence you came, or-"

"Aaah! Get away!" The actress dashed backstage, down a flight of stairs to the basement of Cargo Hall.

"…Well, that's weird. Not even a batch of ninjas to fight or something."

"Maybe your speech panicked her?"

"Or she's not the actual Youma, but someone being used by the real deal."

"I still say she's the product of peer pressure mixed with a failed sex ed policy."

"Does this even LOOK like a prom to you, Suzuka?"

"…You're right. It COULD just be a child prodigy angry at her parents not supporting her desire to learn and trying to subscribe her to their diet of tacky game shows and illegal business practices."

"As if your diet of TV is any more admirable."

"Hey, I read the book, too!"

"Ladies, please!" Aschen and Suzuka snapped to attention as 'Haruka' examined the diva's footsteps. "Discounting Suzuka's wild, late night TV-induced guesses, I think I've got a good idea why our suspect was spooked."

"Something like Aschen's guess that she was possessed?"

"Yeah, but we need more clues…Guess we'll have to follow her downstairs."

[Cargo Hall basement…]

"Locked…Locked…" 'Haruka' continued testing the various doors in the basement hallway. "Locked…Hey, this one's handle works all the way! …But it's still locked. Dang."

"Wait, it's locked with the handle swinging down? Let me see." Kaguya reached to test the handle herself, only to earn a shock on her hand for the trouble. "Eep!"

"Static electricity? Try it again."

Kaguya grasped the handle again, only to take another zap. "Huh. You didn't feel anything, right?"

"Nope. Wonder why, though – maybe it's a leader thing. Aschen, you try it."

"Roger." She grabbed and turned the door handle, neither forcing it open nor feeling the same shock Kaguya did. "Huh. Maybe Kaguya can feel something about this door that the rest of us can't?"

"Like how it's locked, but behaves like it shouldn't be?"

"Exactly." Once more Kaguya reached for the handle, this time ignoring the electric jolt and clamping her hand down hard. Then a series of further spasms, as more electricity inexplicably coursed through her arm. After five seconds, 'Haruka' pulled her away.

"What the hell? You trying to get yourself killed? …Or maybe turned on?"

"Sorry, Hak-er, Haruka, but you're wrong on both counts. That's not proper electricity flowing through that door – it's a sealing spell. I think I'm the only one who can feel it because of my regular training, rather than the Sailor powers."

"Oh, yeah, the whole full moon/cherry blossom magic prayer thing."

"Regardless, someone REALLY doesn't want us seeing what's behind this door. Anyone got an idea where or what the key is?"

"…I got a lockpick."

"A lockpick?"

'Haruka' grinned. "Sort of. _PHANTOM PLASMA STAKE!"_ The arm gauntlet clashed against the warding fields around the door handle, eventually piercing through. "OK, NOW try it."

Aschen obliged, opening the door. "I wouldn't call that a lockpick as much as I'd call it a glass cutter."

"Or a fireman's axe."

"Or some sort of chisel."

"Whatever." The four entered what appeared to be a dressing room. "Women's clothing strewn about – this must be the diva's dressing room. Now, what would be in here that the Youma puppeteering the diva wouldn't want us to see?"

"Besides eyelid blush you'd have to be either a Shiki-Oni or an alternative metal artist to pull off?" Suzuka was already at work inspecting the makeup table.

Aschen shut the door on one of the wardrobes. "…Nothing out of the ordinary in this wardrobe."

Kaguya peered into the bottom of another wardrobe's drawer. "Funny, there's a box of bullets and a couple cold pills in this one."

"Dibs!"

"Haken, y-I mean, Haruka, you can't call dibs on someone's medication!"

"Who said anything about the medication?"

Aschen stepped in to inspect the ammunition. "I doubt you'd be able to do anything with the bullets, either – they're 9mm Parabellum, hardly a suitable revolver or rifle caliber."

"Maybe Suzuka could-naah, Jyaki-GUN-Oh already has twin infinity symbol feed mechanisms. Speaking of which, you having better luck than us over there?"

"Only thing I haven't checked is her diary, because – well, it's a woman's diary."

"We're desperate here. Just read a couple entries from this month."

"…Fine. But if anyone starts ragging on us for violating the sanctity of the private journal, I'm blaming you." Suzuka started thumbing through the diary, trying to find the February entries. "If only we had a better idea what I ought to be looking for…wait, what's this?"

"Any record of contact with the Youma?"

"Nope, but there's a strange thread across the February section – all the prep for tonight's performance is concurrent with entries regarding lucid dreams."

"…What kind of dreams?"

"Were they in color?"

"I'm pretty sure that isn't relevant, Kaguya."

"Doesn't say either way. But it seems like these dreams she's having were of the 'vague call to destiny' variety – flipping back to January, it looks like they may have even inspired her trying out for this role."

"So the Youma was pulling the long con, trying to get her to roast a large crowd?"

"Likely story. And, one more thing…"

"What?"

"…Eh, might be nothing, but across the month, there's a sharp increase in entries that concern taking medication of some sort."

"Those pills I found?"

Suzuka closed the diary. "Not likely. Said they were for keeping the dreams from going out of control. Must be a prescription either at home or on her person."

"Well, we could always ask her."

"WHAT?"

"There's only one other door we haven't tried, and the others were locked normally. Thus, she's got to be barricaded behind the last one."

Aschen pondered this for a moment. "…Your reasoning is rather sound, Haruka, but you do realize we'd be asking questions inspired by an invasion of her privacy?"

"…Eh, I'll let Kaguya handle that."

"Wha? Why me?"

"Well, you're better at this gal-pal stuff than the rest of us, right?"

The princess blushed. "Well, I HAVE been taking it upon myself to train Haken to be convincing as Haruka…I'll do it."

[Cargo Hall rehearsal room…]

The glasslike shatter of a magic barrier being staked through accompanied the double doors of the rehearsal room gently creaking open. Kaguya poked her head inside. "Umm…ma'am, there's been an incident. Could we ask you a few questions?"

Silence.

"Ma'am? We're here to help. You might say we're…specialists in this sort of thing."

A soothing melody as the woman in question let her fingers fall onto piano keys.

"…Can you hear us, ma'am?"

The playing stopped. "…I don't want to let go."

"What?"

"She says…with you here, it's time for me to let go…"

"Who? Who's saying this?"

"…She says she's the real me…that I have to let go so she can meet you…"

"…Meet US?"

"I…I can't-AAAAAAGH! My body…so hot…"

"There's paramedics topside, we can get you hel-"

"Burning up! I…can't hold it much longer…" The woman collapsed into the keyboard, dislodging several of the ivories as her head smashed into the boundary between bass and treble.

"Oh my God…We've got to get her out of-"

_**"I wouldn't be so concerned with helping ME if I were you."**_ Muscles spasmed and shifted as the diva rose from the piano bench. Kaguya and the others rushed into the room as the actress's movements grew increasingly erratic, arms and legs sprouting crystalline orbs throughout skin that was growing increasingly pale. _**"Feel free to pronounce Marisa Pierce dead if you wish. Just make sure you say she died knowing the sublime passion of her true self awakening from its slumber."**_

'Haruka' scratched 'her' chin. "So wait, she wasn't possessed by the Youma…"

"…But was a Youma born into deep cover as a human?"

_**"Correct, young ones. I am Lilith Barshem, destined princess of the Neo-Youma Empire…and your executioner."**_

[TO BE CONTINUED]

[Next Episode Preview]

Girl!Haken: Whoa whoa whoa, we're stopping right when it gets good?

Kaguya: I know, it doesn't seem right to me either. But being an author for multiple projects is as much a strain on /m/'s Haken as being both a Sailor and a Rider is on you!

Suzuka: Besides, we had to get this really talky episode out of the way just to make sure the next could be chock-full of action!

Aschen: …Or the author's just cutting the line to keep his off-shore lemon business from languishing.

Kaguya: What difference does it make whether the lemons are offshore?

Suzuka: I think when it comes to lemons, there's much more pressing questions to be asked…

Kaguya: Don't you mean 'squeezing?'

Aschen: I never expected YOU to be quick with that sort of retort. Ah, well, **On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 5: Resonance of a Man's Anger! TheSnake's True Enemy!**

Girl!Haken: Lemons…something about that particular fruit…

Suzuka: Is it because you prefer milk over lemonade?


	5. Episode 5: Resonance of a Man's Anger!

**A/N:** Starting to wonder whether a Parody tag would suit this fic better than a Humor tag. There's obviously elements of both, but first and foremost this is a tokusatsu-style action work, and it doesn't seem right to be categorizing as Humor when things are about to get serious. Your thoughts on a Review or PM, please.  
- /m/'s Haken

* * *

[Cold Disclaimer]

Super Robot Wars/Taisen, Endless Frontier, and related properties TM and © Banpresto, Namco Bandai, and Monolith Soft (as appropriate), and licensed to Atlus USA, Ltd.

Plot Enablers for this chapter/series borrowed from Konami and Kojima Productions (Metal Gear), Toei and Toei Animation (Kamen Rider and Sailor Moon), Shogakukan and VIZ Media (Ranma ½), and Square Enix, Ltd. (Parasite Eve).

No permission has been asked or granted for the use of any or all of the above, and this work uses these elements under the express provision that no profit is made from its distribution.

[On the last episode…]

Girl!Haken: "I still don't entirely get it…why the opera?"

Kaguya: "Regular theatre just won't cut it."

(_Eva goes into the high notes of her aria, setting things on fire._)

O'Malley (VO): "…Do I smell something burning?"

Marisa: "Aaaah! Get away!" (runs off)

Kaguya: "Someone REALLY doesn't want us seeing what's behind this door."

Girl!Haken: "I got a lockpick."

(_Rehearsal Room door is busted open._)

Girl!Haken (VO): "_PHANTOM PLASMA STAKE!_"

Marisa: "She says…with you here…it's time for me to let go…"

(_Marisa slumps onto the keyboard._)

Girl!Haken: "So wait, she wasn't possessed by the Youma…"

Kaguya: "…But was a Youma born into deep cover as a human?"

Marisa/Lilith: "I am Lilith Barshem, destined princess of the Neo-Youma Empire…and your executioner."

* * *

[Back to Live Action…]

A sphere of light formed in Lilith's hand as she aimed an outstretched arm at the Frontier Senshi.

"DUCK!" The four dove for the floor at Aschen/Sailor W07's command, narrowly avoiding being singed by the laser the light sphere coalesced into a split second later.

"…It appears I'll have to work for this victory…" Lilith retracted her arm, concentrating as the crystals within her skin began to shine with the same energy buildup. "…No matter. I mean, you've had your share of one-sided victories against our forces, right?"

"You kept sending us arrogant little schmucks," Girl!Haken/Sailor W00 retorted. "I'm not sure they count."

"Me?" The energy in Lilith's limbs exploded into an all-range laser burst, sending the Senshi tumbling once more. "I've been too busy getting Marisa to reassert me to order the riffraff to arms…and I'll make sure you don't live long enough to learn who's calling the shots."

A hand whose fingernails had mutated into piercing talons dove toward Haken, only to be caught by Kaguya/Sailor Nanbu's sword. "Sorry to disappoint, but we're a bit more interested in smashing up your chain of command than learning about it!"

"Besides which…" Lilith's head turned backwards, only to stare down Suzuka/Sailor GUN-Oh and the wrist gatling she pointed at her. "…We came here to see an opera, not a laser show!"

Kaguya used Suzuka's bluff to break the clash as Haken advanced on Lilith's front. "It's a little late for us to get a refund, so I hope you don't mind if we take it out of your hide instead!"

"Ugh, petty humans…always thinking of things in terms of some sort of points…"

"Excuse me?" Aschen's foot slammed into the small of Lilith's back. "I'm a robot and she's some sort of narwhal-eel-demon." She cocked a thumb at Suzuka. "Your argument is invalid."

"Grrr…" Lilith gathered energy for another laser blast as she stumbled to her feet. "…Damn the lot of you and your penchant for semantics!" The Senshi braced for another shot…

…only for the light to keep building up around Lilith.

Kaguya took a defensive stance. "You think she's shielding herself?"

"If she is…" Haken willed the stake attachment to 'her' arm. "…it'll be THAT much more fun."

The light around Lilith dissipated, revealing that she had replaced herself with a hole in the floor.

"Aw, dammit, she ran AGAIN!"

**Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00**

An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/'s Haken Browning

**Episode 5: Resonance of a Man's Anger! TheSnake's True Enemy!**

* * *

[Cargo Hall Rehearsal Room – near the hole in the floor…]

Suzuka peered into the gap. "Well, this doesn't look like a particularly elegant escape…"

"Yeah, especially since she called herself a princess. You'd think she'd take the time to cut a nice, clean path down…"

"You're one to talk, Haken." Aschen shoved the part-time girl aside and examined the hole. "It's a 25-foot drop, right into the sewers of Trodel Stadt. Our Sailor powers and natural acrobatics ought to take care of the fall, but we don't have a reliable way to track our quarry."

"What about Kaguya?"

"No go on that, unless she's bothered learning to actively sense magic disturbances."

"And I haven't." Kaguya blushed. "Sorry, everyone…"

"It's OK, we'll just play it by ear."

"Play it by…Captain, are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

"That we jump into a sewer willy-nilly, hunt down a Youma with no reliable tracking method, defeat said Youma, AND find our own way back to the surface?"

Aschen sighed. "…Exactly."

"Hell yeah, I'm suggesting it!"

"…Fine. But you go first."

"Figured you'd say that." Bending down, Haken dangled both 'her' legs into the hole before following after with the rest of 'her' body.

* * *

[Sewers – Just below Cargo Hall…]

*splooosh* *crackle* *bzzt* "Argh, son of a BITCH!"

"What is it?"

"C'mon down, see for yourself!"

The remaining three Senshi dropped down into the aqueduct, finding themselves face-to-face with Guy!Haken…in the cocktail dress Kaguya had picked out for his female half earlier that evening. "Not even gonna ask how the water here got warm enough to boot me out of Girl Mode…"

Kaguya held back a giggle. "Oh come on, you don't look THAT bad…"

"Really, I'm more concerned that I wound up having to de-morph as well…this means once we find Lilith, one of you will have to hotwire your powers like Aschen did."

"Well, first we've got to, y'know, find Lilith. And I've already told you what we were up against in that regard."

"I think we have a good idea which way we need to go…" Haken pointed up, waving his finger along the stretch of the wall.

"Back up top? Idiot."

"No, still down here…but think about what's on the wall."

"I'd rather not." Suzuka was already analyzing the graffiti. "I think I might have actually stumbled upon that stronger-than-the-F-bomb word you were asking for earlier…"

"Not THAT, Suzuka, the lights." Haken's finger jabbed at a fluorescent service light. "The lights are only on going one way from here. Unless Lilith had some sort of night vision, she'd have only two options for navigating the dark part of the sewer: stumble blindly, or constantly fire beams to illuminate the path. Either way, she'd alert us to her position."

"And what if she HAS night vision?"

"…Aschen, every second you spend being a spoilsport is one more second the trail goes cold. Humor me a little, OK?"

"Oh, for…fine. But if she's already beat us back to the surface, it's on your head."

[A few yards down the sewer…]

*thunk*

"Hmm?" Suzuka bent down to examine what her foot had just slammed into. "Wonder how THIS got down here…"

"You don't know where that's been, Suzuka, just skip it."

"Actually, I'm wondering just that." She picked up the medium-sized metal box and caught up with the others. "Can't exactly flush something this big down, can you?"

"Open it then," Aschen grumbled.

"Gee, you're worked up tonight. Must be the meatbag hormones."

"I'm familiar with the chemicals…the mixtures just feel all wrong."

"You'll get used to it after a while…well, at least as much as Haken must be used to that dress." Suzuka propped open the box's lid. "Heeeey, it's a gun!"

"Lemme see!" Suzuka passed the box to the dress-clad cowboy. "Tch, it's a semi-auto. Could never get used to handling the kick on these one-handed."

"And yet, the Night Fowl," Kaguya chimed in.

"Yeah, Captain, that's one-handed full-auto recoil. You're telling me you can't handle the median between THAT and two-handed revolver kickback?"

"The Night Fowl's different! I keep it suppressed so it feels like a gentle buzz."

"Oh, we KNOW you've developed an appetite for gentle buzzes lately, Haken-'sama'." Suzuka punctuated the honorific with finger quotes as she, Aschen, and Kaguya broke into laughter.

"…Shut up."

*brrrrrrrrrrt*

"Oh? I wasn't aware you were THAT adventurous!"

"That was an entirely un-gentle buzz! But that sensation coming from…oh no."

"Oh no what?"

"I don't think Lilith's the only thing we've got to worry about down here. **Solid On."** The TheSnake belt formed around Haken's waist, buckle already flashing to life with the readout from a digital display towards the top of the face.

"Hmm?" Kaguya glanced at the belt readout. "What's this 'Alert Phase' and why is it ticking down?"

"Alert Phase is some sort of energy that allows Infiltrajin to do their super-speed thing. Of course, it'd be useless with the wake trail they'd make in here, so I guess whatever's down here is just shedding it like crazy."

"Now what? We've got two things to pursue down here…"

"…And only one we've got a definite lock on. Better the devil we know – c'mon!" Carefully advancing to increase the Alert Phase reading on his belt, Haken turned down a corridor, the girls following afterward.

[…]

"Damn, dead end…but for some reason, the Alert meter's holding steady."

"Look, Captain, beyond that sluice gate!"

Haken turned in the direction of Aschen's pointer finger. "…They were waiting for us."

"They as in the Infiltragic-whatever?"

"They as in that AND Lilith. I'd recognize those arm-bulbs anywhere."

"That makes OUR job a hell of a lot easier." Suzuka threw the switch on the sluice gate, raising the bars a scant second before the others rushed into the barricaded section of sewer.

"…Took you long enough." The Senshi and Haken screeched to a halt. "Sorry to say I'm not in the mood for another round…I'm still getting over the disappointing results of my experiment." The water next to Lilith rippled slightly, then churned violently before erupting into a gator-like bipedal creature. "It seems I forgot that these beasts can't hold a Youma's aura THAT well…but I guess it won't be a COMPLETE failure if my pet manages to devour you."

"So…Alert Phase is actually…" Haken's surprise condensed into a devilish grin. "…Looks like I'm not as out of the running as I expected." His right hand extended forward in a monk-like chop as his left balled against his waist. **"Henshin!"** Dropping his right arm down, Haken crossed his left over his chest as he thumbed the dial on the TheSnake belt's hip pouch.

**[GEAR UP: SOLID NORMAL]**

The concrete gray armor of Kamen Rider TheSnake formed around Haken's body…with one strange new addition. "Huh, this chest plate wasn't there last time."

Kaguya poked at his back. "Well, what'd you do different last time?"

"…Not much, really, except – wait, THAT's it. Skipped the motions last time."

"An armor that grows more intricate the more its wearer flails about…Absolutely insane, you humans are," Lilith huffed.

"Oh, sod off."

"I was about to."

"Hey, I didn't mean-" Lilith dropped into an inky hole centered around herself, barely disturbing the water as the void closed. "…Crap."

"No time for that, we've still got a gator to deal with!"

"Gator…oh, him. Thanks, Kaguya." Haken slipped a hand into the card pouch, sliding the first one he grabbed through the belt buckle.

**[ATTACK RIDE: CYBORG NINJA]**

Sparks crackled off the gator-man's skin as a disembodied blade danced across it, fading rapidly in and out of existence. "Looks like that did SOMETHING…just not quite as much as I'd expected."

"Maybe something with a little more substance will do the trick?" Suzuka extended her arms forward, arm-gatlings at the ready. _"GUN-OH FEVER FUSILLADE!"_ Bullets rained into the beast's torso, further showering the sewer water with sparks.

"…Or its front could just be THAT well-armored. Keep him busy while the rest of us sneak around!"

"Gee, hand him the whole script, why don't you?"

"Not the time, Aschen!" Suzuka resumed her barrage as the other three heroes cut toward the gator's flank…only for its tail to lash out, nearly smacking into Kaguya.

"Holy…" The tip of the tail began glowing.

"Oh no, you don't! I've had enough frickin' laser beams for one evening!"

**[ATTACK RIDE: CYBORG NINJA]**

The phantom sword returned, this time lacerating the gator's tail. The creature reared its head back in a cry of pain, spitting a small fireball as the glow in its tail faded.

"Whoa…good thing you got him to throw that UP and not at ME." Suzuka's gatling fire was beginning to produce fewer sparks as bullets finally started digging into flesh.

The wounds within the tail began to glow. "Seems we haven't completely gotten rid of THIS yet!"

"Well, then, Kaguya, keep it down!"

"Roger! _NANBU BLADE BLOSSOM!"_ Metal flechettes gusted off of Kaguya's sword, adding a multitude of cuts to the ones the Cyborg Ninja card had sliced into the tail.

"Suzuka, take five – Aschen and I are gonna put this one in the bag!" The android leapt above the flailing gator as Haken took his position at its front.

**[FINAL ATTACK RIDE: T-T-T-TheSnake]**

_"TIGER LANCE KICK!"_

"RIDER PUNCH!"

Aschen's foot impacted first, practically slamming the gator's head into Haken's uppercut. Green light shot from its pores as the bones buckled from the force of both attacks, eventually spreading across the entire body as the Infiltrajin decomposed into a pile of scaly flakes.

"…These things just fall apart more and more elegantly when we wreck 'em," Haken noted as the four de-morphed. "All right, let's find a ladder back up and a cold water main – gotta make sure we're counted among the living."

* * *

[Outside Cargo Hall's main entrance…]

The foursome strolled out of the theater, Girl!Haken shivering from the excess cold water Kaguya had managed to splash on 'her' before they went topside.

"We're here live from outside Cargo Hall, which just recently turned into a scene of complete chaos following a mass spontaneous combustion event!" A TV reporter was already rambling on as the four turned towards home. "What's that, Jim? Ah, yes, four of them, right?" The reporter turned toward the ladies. "Ladies! I've just received word that with your safe departure, all attendees of tonight's performance are accounted for! Can I get a word with one of you?"

Haken turned to answer. "Depends. We aren't exactly sure what was going on – we spent most of it barricaded in the ladies' room."

"Oh…well, thanks for your time anyway, miss."

"One thing, though…the people who got burnt…how are they doing?"

"…Not good, ma'am. Reports just came in from the hospital, we're looking at 22 dead, about 30 others in critical condition, a couple broken bones from people getting trampled…"

Haken grimaced. "…They didn't deserve this…"

"What the…"

"Ha…Haruka…" Kaguya gasped.

"The diva, Marisa Pierce…is she being counted among the dead?"

"They've only identified about half the bodies. She's not currently listed among them."

"…I see." 'Haruka' turned and left, the others following behind in stunned silence.

* * *

[Aboard the Zeit Krokodil…]

"Haken-chan?" Kaguya's words stopped the 'lady' as 'she' opened the door to the Captain's Quarters. "You haven't said a word since you left the theater. Is there something wrong?"

"…23 dead…"

"23? But they said 22…"

"I know. But they're not gonna count Marisa…" 'She' turned to face the princess. "You and I saw her die…"

"Well, we've seen a LOT of things die. Made a couple do so, too-"

"That's not the point!" 'Haruka' grabbed Kaguya's shoulders. "When that…that THING took her over, she was blathering about some 'divine bliss' or someshit that Marisa was supposed to be feeling as she died…That wasn't bliss, Kaguya, that was MURDER! That was RAPE! That was…that was…"

Tears welled in 'Haruka's' eyes as her head drooped into Kaguya's chest.

"I…Haru…Haken, I…"

"Please…just promise me…if something like that happens to me…make sure nobody lies about how I died…"

"I…I promise, but…"

"…But what?"

"…But I'm not gonna let you die yet. YOU'RE not gonna let you die yet. And I…I can feel that those who've already left us aren't taking this sitting down, either. If not for our sake, then at least theirs, promise me this…we're not just gonna seal the Youma back up. We're going to wreck them, just like we wrecked the Einst…we'll make sure they don't come back to trouble another generation. Got it?"

"…Got it. I promise…for us, for Marisa, for the other 22 who had their lives robbed by the Youma tonight…" Haken released 'her' embrace.

"Ummm…if it isn't going to be a bother…would it be all right for me to stay with you tonight?"

"I'm…not exactly in the mood…"

"I know, but it's unhealthy to be sleeping alone like this."

"…All right." The two adjourned into Haken's room.

As the door to the Captain's Quarters shut for the evening, Aschen removed her ear from the wall in her own room. "…Something tells me those two were saying each other's lines."

"He's learned a woman's sorrow, ain't he?" O'Malley poked his head in from the air duct.

"I'm not sure Kaguya meant for him to learn it like THIS, but yeah."

"Then ye don't need to worry yeself. I've seen a lot of heroes go through this in me time – it ain't always squeaky clean, but they all seem to pull through."

O'Malley excused himself as Aschen began her shutdown processes, wondering what the future held for the Frontier Senshi and those they were fighting to protect.

**[Episode 5 END]**

[Next Episode Preview]

DTD!Aschen: Wakey wakey, lovebirds! *splashes hot water on the bed*

Guy!Haken: Krgh…what's the deal, waking us up this early?

Aschen: Isn't it obvious? Today's the day you go public!

Haken: Go public?

Aschen: The threat of the Youma and Infiltrajin is already ingrained in the public memory – and now the citizens are anxious to meet the people helping to fend them off!

Kaguya: *yawn* Wouldn't that get a little…complicated?

Aschen: Eh, we'll figure SOMETHING out! **On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 6: Fusion of Man and Myth! Haken's Quadruple Life Revealed!**

Haken: Q…Quadruple Life?

Kaguya: Well, you DO have four identities…

Haken: I was kinda counting them as two pairs rather than a single quartet.

* * *

**A/N:** With a flood of new adult fic ideas coming my way and work hours being scaled back, I'm starting to see a consistent schedule for episodes of LKSH1/W00 to be written/published. Seems I can expect to put one out about once every two or three weeks - of course, a running schedule will always be available on my Profile.

While leaving your review, please also let me know what you think about whether I should expand to the OTHER FF dot net to post an expanded catalog of the Tales of Endless Perversion. Some of the newer stuff I've written for Team Phantom Tiger's sister blog techs toward a higher note much more suitable for the beginning of THIS fic, but the level of sexual content within is too high to risk posting here and they're posted slightly out of order at /m/erotica.

Also, I'm testing an increase in the number of line breaks used this chapter. If it makes the fic THAT much more readable, I'll go back and re-line the previous chapters based on this setup.  
- /m/'s Haken


	6. Episode 6: Fusion of Man and Myth!

AUTHOR'S NOTE 5/2/10: Between Pokemon: Soul Silver coming out, changing jobs, and other clashes with real life, I was starting to struggle to get inspired to write another chapter of this. Luckily, however, two big inspirations managed to accelerate production back to acceptable levels: a certain net TV channel streaming Kamen Rider Kabuto, and a certain Anony/m/ous claiming to take a crack at some LKSH1/W00 art of his own volition. Can't keep the fans waiting, y'know - even if they're guys like Rpgingmaster whose vocabularies have been irrevocably corrupted by TV Tropes. (No offense, bro.)  
- /m/'s Haken

* * *

[In the Captain's Quarters aboard the Zeit…]

"Hey…hey, sleepyhead, wake up!" Aschen nudged the mass underneath the blankets.

"zzzz…guh?" Girl!Haken's head peeked out from underneath the covers, eyes squinting as 'she' began to focus on the android. "What's with the wake-up call?"

"Lee just got a call from Pops – he needs you in his office regarding last night. You've got 45 minutes – I suggest a hot shower."

"As if I could do with any other kind…" Sliding 'her' limbs out from underneath the bed's other occupant, Haken made ready to stumble into the shower. "God, my eyes feel so sore…"

"Yeah, that's the one drawback of a good cry. But trust me – you'll feel a LOT better after hearing what John's got to say."

"I'd believe that if he weren't calling for me at-" A quick glance at the clock. "…8:00 AM? Man, I haven't woken up that early since I first earned my bounty hunter cred!"

"You want me to start on the disclaimer?"

"Just use one of the prepackaged intros; I'll be taking it to go. And tell Kaguya I'm sorry I couldn't stay for breakfast either!"

"Sorry for what now?" The princess threw what remained of the covers off of herself. "Don't think you can weasel out of breakfast so easily!"

"I'm not weaseling, I've got an appointment!"

"That's what they all say – but sooner or later, you'll be BEGGING for a meal with the special flavor only an expression of our love can offer!"

"Lunch date it is, then?"

"Hellz yeah!"

[And cut to the LKSH1/W00-ified Kamen Rider intro of your choice. The management recommends Ryuki or Kabuto for some reason.]

**_Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00_**  
An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/'s Haken Browning

TV Asahi Announcer: Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00 is created using materials from the following corporate entities: (display Bandai Namco, Toei, Konami, Kojima Productions, Shogakukan, and Square Enix logos) Rights of scenario reserved without intent to profit by Team Phantom Tiger. Promotional and distributive consideration graciously provided by our web hosts and sponsors: (display FFN, deviantART, Blogger, and Google logos)

**Episode 6: Fusion of Man and Myth! Haken's Quadruple Life Revealed!  


* * *

  
**

[Trodel Stadt City Hall – John Moses's Office…]

Guy!Haken inhaled sharply as he strode into his adoptive father's office. "Mornin', Pops. I was told you needed to speak to me regarding last night?"

"Yes. Go ahead and take a seat, Haken." As he did, John produced a squirt gun from inside his desk and leveled it at the cowboy's head. "…or should I say, Haruka Brodel?"

"Tch!" Haken froze up as John fired, the cold water and Spring of Drowned Girl curse reacting to bring out his female form. "H…How did-"

"It took me a little while to put the pieces together…but luckily, you and the girls are like those dollar-store jigsaw puzzles – simple to decipher, and patently obvious in how everything is connected."

"Whoa, whoa, back up – you know the girls are in on this, too?"

"Yep. It'll take a bit for me to explain, and I see you're still in a bit of shock. If you want, I can put a water pot through the coffeemaker and get you back to normal first."

Girl!Haken pondered this for a moment. "…Eh, not right now. I can manage."

"All right, then." John put the squirt gun aside. "My first clue was during the attack on the west gate earlier this week. I have access to security camera footage for pretty much every public building in the city, and the welcome center and sheriff's dispatch out there are no exceptions."

"West gate…that was the day Aschen was all mopey about having fleshy joints in her Sailor form."

"Mopey, you say? …Well, that might explain why I caught her engaging a Youma by her lonesome. Then she turned into one of what the gossip columns are calling 'Mystery Princesses.' THEN I saw another three come up to support her after this real blurry part where she turned back to normal – THAT was the kicker."

A sheepish grin curled across Haken's face. "I guess so – why, what three people know Aschen closely enough to appear as a group around her?"

"Bingo. Kaguya and Suzuka were fairly obvious – well, at least Suzuka was after that possession-fueled light show – but the third took a bit to click as you. At first I thought there was someone new, but then I remembered that there's only ONE black-clad, white-haired person out there able to pal around with two princesses and an android on MY payroll."

"And me being there didn't disturb you?"

"Truth be told, it did to begin with. I spent a couple days racking my brain, trying to figure out how and why you did it – especially only so many days after I'd seen you as a man and issued you the TheSnake belt. Eventually I settled on an explanation from a folklore database in Elfetale: the 'Starlight Warriors' prevalent a couple centuries ago in Varna Karai apparently were males that turned into females while using their magical powers."

"Hmm…think I've heard that one somewhere…"

"Of course, it didn't explain why you were still a girl AFTER getting out of Hero Mode. But everything fell together after I caught last night's Channel 2 report on the Cargo Hall attack."

Haken blanched once again. "Shit, that went on air?"

John smirked. "And the presses in Amahara were about to print with 'Princesses Among 4 Missing in Opera Fire' too. Luckily, your highly suspicious evacuation from the premises killed two birds with one stone: Kaguya and Suzuka being with you prevented an international incident, and the sopping wet state of your dress told me you HAD to be under a Jusyenko curse."

"And here we are today. Now that you know I'm like this, what are you going to do?"

"…Honestly, nothing as long as you behave." John withdrew his whiskey flask and a couple of glasses. "A little something to calm your nerves?"

"No thanks, I'm not good for it this early in the morning. Though if you wouldn't mind putting on that hot pot…"

"Ah, right." The mayor poured his share of hair of the dog before rising to take care of the coffeemaker. "Now, as I was saying about behaving…" The brewing process began without a hitch, hot water starting to percolate. "…I know you and the other ladies have grown quite close over the past couple of months, and I'm certain that by now they've grown to accept your…er, feminine side." Returning to his seat, John took a sip of his whiskey. "I won't ask you to get rid of your curse, nor will I stand in the way of any effort on your own part to do so – though seeing as how you've got superpowers as a girl, it'd probably be a bad idea. But just remember this: you have duties to this city as Kamen Rider TheSnake, and I expect you to perform them as a MAN. Understood?"

"…I wouldn't have it any other way, Pops."

"THAT's my boy…girl…thing…whatever."

"I'd stick with 'boy-slash-girl' or 'boy and/or girl'. Something just sounds wrong about being referred to as a thing – especially after last night…"

"Oh?"

"I'm not sure exactly how much you know about the Cargo Hall incident, but…" With that, Haken began recounting what 'she' knew about the previous evening's battles – the callous sublimation of Marisa Pierce by Lilith Barshem, the discovery of the link between the Youma and Infiltrajin, and the Sailor W00 powers' reaction to hot "water."

"Wow, that's…a lot to take in at once. But turnabout is fair play, I guess." Noticing the light had gone out on the coffeemaker, John moved to retrieve the pot. "That bit about the Youma and Infiltrajin sharing the same aura at different levels, though…that'll become integral to how TheSnake can operate in the near future."

"Oh? What do you mean – new cards, upgrades? I still haven't figured out half of the stuff I'm currently packing yet…"

"Trust me, you'll have the time. I received word a couple days ago that the new stuff for TheSnake has to be proxy-tested – in fact, SMD's new appointee for that is supposed to come up practically right now. Take a sec and man up; you'll want to meet him."

"Man up? …Oh, right." Haken poured a little water from the pot into the untouched glass, then splashed it onto 'her' (well, 'his' once again) face. "So who is this guy? I thought SMD was all robots."

"…We found a workaround." John's finger pressed down on the intercom button. "Miss Klamsky, has my 9 o'clock arrived yet?"

_*He's just signed in and is waiting in the lobby, sir.*_

"Go ahead and send him up; he's got business with my current appointment anyway."

Haken cocked an eyebrow as the communiqué ended. "Business with ME?"

"Well, business with you as TheSnake, at least."

"So, should I transfo-"

"Nah, wait until he gets here."

Another twenty seconds passed before the door to John's office clicked open, a black-haired, teenage-looking male with a green beret and matching forest drab dress stepping through with nary an introduction.

"Ah, here he is. Haken, I'd like to introduce you to Pete Pain, former chief of W-Series excavation aboard the Mai Tierra and current field commander of SMD. Pete, this is my son, Haken. You may remember him from-"

"I'm well aware of Mr. Browning's previous exploits, sir." The young man turned to the cowboy. "I trust that your mission is going as planned…W00?"

* * *

[Meanwhile, back on the Zeit…]

Kaguya idly thumbed through a magazine as she addressed the furball perched on her leg. "O'Malley, this Lilith chick we fought last night claimed to be the Neo-Youma's 'destined princess'…would you happen to know anything about how that sort of thing works?"

"Well, lass, the Youma of old had a royalty much like the Shiki-Oni of today-"

"A leadership caste made of the strongest and craftiest people with considerable prestige in their blood…and a bureaucracy made up of enough also-rans to keep them from running wild," Suzuka interjected.

"…Not quite, Madame Butterflat. The main difference with the Youma is that they didn't HAVE that parliament – without idiots to stall them until they grasped the consequences of their plans, the Youma challenged all of Amahara with the intent to sack both the thrones and raze the place for the glory of some unpronounceable demon god."

"That's…not exactly what I meant." Kaguya set the magazine down. "What I really wanted to know about is how Lilith managed to stay inside Marisa for…apparently years, then take over her body and mind with one big magical outburst."

"Gwuh?" Taken aback by the delineation, O'Malley perked his ears – accidentally shooting one of his lasers off towards the door Aschen was entering from.

"…Yeah, I think I know when I'm not wanted."

"On the contrary, lass! I just…what Kaguya just told me sounds highly irregular, is all."

"How irregular?"

"Like, George Lazenby irregular. The Peter Cushing Doctor Who movies irregular. _The Godfather Part III_ irregu-"

"We get it already!" Suzuka swiped at the Mutant Eye with one of her fans.

"Oi!" O'Malley leapt off Kaguya's leg, bouncing off the princess's ample bust before landing on the sofa proper. "That sort of thing just isn't proper Youma MO – especially if their royal family is becoming directly involved in an invasion."

"So…Lilith is…"

"Quite possibly either a rogue element or REALLY late to the party. Perhaps even really early – you said she'd been dormant for years inside Marisa?"

"Just a wild guess, but-"

"In order to do that sort of thing, you need at least a decade of prep time. There must be SOMETHING that would have drawn Lilith to Marisa either as a newborn or a primary-school child. Somewhere in the 'wee bairn' range, y'know?"

Aschen stroked her chin. "We might be able to search for Marisa's medical records across the networks and physical archives of the Frontier. Marion's got the big wi-fi setup going for this ship, but for some strange reason she said all our terminals had to be booted off the Internet until noon."

"Bandwidth trouble?"

"…Something like that."

* * *

[In Marion's Lab…]

_*Doctor…why are you not using the usual LAN cables for this data transfer?*_

"I would, Gespy-san, but the transfer rate's atrociously inappropriate for the size and complexity of your new upgrade. Luckily we managed to get most of it into you overnight, but time appears to be the essence in our new business."

_*So you locked out Net access for the whole ship just to expedite my download?*_

"I wish there was a less hamfisted way about it, but there ain't." Marion grumbled as she motioned for the Gespenst to hold still while the file transfer continued. _Damn mail-order kits…last time I ever buy anything that's "firmware sold separately"…  


* * *

_[And back in John's office…]

"I told you that whole 'W00' hullabaloo was for real, Pops." Haken's eyes darted back and forth as he processed the newcomer's words. "But what I'd like to know is…how the heck do YOU know it?" A finger darted in Pete's direction.

"I have my ways…though mostly, you sort of left the door to your incubator open whenever you had acquired and used the proper keycards."

"Huh…that'll teach me to lock up after myself."

John poured another fifth of whiskey before speaking. "As for Pete himself, we actually found him holed up in a similarly unlocked high-security portion of the Mai Tierra, tinkering with some of the junked mechs like it was nobody's business. Without his assistance, the W-series utilized by SMD would mostly be the basic models skulking about the no-keycard zones instead of the ones stored in Level 2."

"So he's legit, then. But why'd you say he was the workaround for SMD's 'robots only' code?"

"Well, turns out he's-"

Pete stopped John with a raised hand. "I think it'll be best if I show him." His index finger crossed over his palm as a familiar belt materialized around his waist. **"Henshin."**

**[GEAR UP: JAEGER NULL]**

The armor interlacing over Pete Pain's form took on alternating hues of blue and red, their boundaries tracing around key sets of muscles. Rounding out the suit was a helmet not unlike that of the TheSnake suit, though featuring a single slit and glowing humanoid orange eyes rather than the buglike green globes of Haken's Kamen Rider form.

"I trust that Mr. Moses has informed you that Kamen Rider TheFox is intended as a testbed for TheSnake, not a replacement. Nevertheless, I am fully equipped with everything necessary to deploy and command SMD in real-time, just with this suit."

"Really?"

"Really." Pete pulled a card from his waist pouch and swiped it through the belt buckle.

**[SKILL RIDE: DIRTY DUCK]**

The glass John had just poured flew into Pete's outstretched hand, every drop of whiskey accounted for. "A toast to our partnership – may it endure this little crisis and far beyond."

"…don't tell me you're gonna drink that through the helmet."

**[Episode 6 END]  


* * *

**[Next Episode Preview]

Kaguya: TheSnake and TheFox…I expected them to have a rocky start, not a start on the rocks.

Guy!Haken: Well, let it be said that my princess shan't be disappointed.

Kaguya: Say what?

Suzuka: Well, we've seen that the Infiltrajin are part and parcel of the Neo-Youma – which makes their crash of John's SRD public debut gala that much more complicated.

Aschen: Two Riders and three Sailors…think that'll be enough security?

Haken: The only one who ought to be concerned about security is Marion. Seriously, mass data upload over wi-fi?

O'Malley: Think she's got that quite covered, lad.

Haken: Oh, really?

O'Malley: Well, look at the title – **On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 7: Fusion of Man and Machine! Call, Geist Hopper!**

Suzuka: "Ghost" in Olde Formidian…makes me wonder what Marion's up to.

Kaguya: I hope it doesn't involve an elliptical reflector dish like last time…

* * *

POSTSCRIPT: Talky episode, I know, but then most of Day 2 of PE was non-FMV cutscenes and weapon customization tutorials - the former had to be junked for obvious reasons, and the latter translates poorly into a non-interactive setting. Luckily, I might get some mileage yet out of Pete being the Kageyama to Haken's Kagami...wait, I may have said too much.

Google Docs went and revamped itself, forcing FFN-style line spacing in the process - this means the deviantART mirror is now the "just the way I like it" copy of LKSH1/W00, somehow. Thoughts on a review, please.  
- /m/'s Haken

BREAKING NEWS 5/4: Get to the Team Phantom Tiger mirror - that one drawAnon I spoke of earlier has introduced another teaser of sorts. (Some bits correlate more to the lemons than LKSH1/W00 proper, and at least one faction is mislabeled, but it's interesting to see the fans squirm.)


	7. Episode 7: Fusion of Man and Machine!

AUTHOR'S NOTE 6/6/10: Realized I'd goofed an acronym the whole time - Episode 6 has been ninja'd accordingly. And THIS episode will make it a lot easier to remember.

A quick speech recap prompt:  
"regular speech"  
_"electronically transmitted speech/Sailor attacks"  
_**"Rider phrases"**_  
*speech by an electronic consciousness*  
_**[henshin belt noises/episode recap noises]**_  
_- /m/'s Haken

**

* * *

[On the last episode…]**

John: "Go ahead and take a seat, Haken…" _(levels squirt gun)_ "…Or should I say, Haruka Brodel?"  
Kaguya: "What I really wanted to know about is how Lilith managed to stay inside Marisa for…apparently years."  
O'Malley: "That sort of thing just isn't proper Youma MO… In order to do that sort of thing, you need at least a decade of prep time."  
Haken: "I told you that whole 'W00' hullabaloo was for real, Pops… But what I'd like to know is…how the heck do YOU know it?" _(points at Pete)_  
Pete: **"Henshin."****[GEAR UP: JAEGER NULL]**  
Pete: "A toast to our friendsh-"

[Suddenly…the highlight reel is torn away, leaving a white screen.]

Suzuka: …Yeah, this isn't gonna work when all that really happened last episode was a bunch of talking. What say we skip to…heck, maybe a little after THAT, hmm?

**[The film is replaced, and we rejoin the action, as it were, in the Zeit's living room…]**

"Kaguya…just…wow." Guy!Haken set down his chopsticks. "I believe that's the best sushi I've had in _months_."

Aschen quickly swallowed the roll she was working on when that comment came out. "Well, to be fair, it and the other night are the _first_ sushi you've had since…I think right before we all met each other in the scramble for Kaguya's bounty."

"Oho? Dressing like he usually does, I'm surprised Haken hasn't gotten his share of sea cucumber by now." The cowboy furrowed his brow at Suzuka's remark. "Of course, by sea cucumber I mean-"

"We KNOW what you mean." Kaguya scarfed down another mouthful of rice before following up on her retort. "Besides…I know from personal experience that he's more of an oyster person."

A resounding _ooooooooh_ escaped the other two females' lips. About halfway through, Haken's blush deteriorated into a giggle. "Well, I can't help it when such beautiful pearls are mine for the taking…but seriously, can we please refrain from the seafood innuendo?"

"What's the deal? Your history with Anne THAT bad?"

"Naw, it's just…I'd like to stay focused on the matter at hand. Dad's got me booked for this city council gala at Casshim Park tonight, and I've gotta settle on which of TheSnake's powers I'll be showing off."

"Well, you've got a few hours, right?" Kaguya jabbed at the rice again. "You've got plenty of time to screw around in the training room and see what does wha-"

"Also he knows I'm turning into a girl and we're all turning into Frontier Senshi."

The sound of the three girls' jaws dropping roused Lee from his slumber two floors down.

[And cut to intro. Same deal as last time.]

**_Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00_**  
An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/'s Haken Browning

TV Asahi Announcer: Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00 is created using materials from the following corporate entities: (display Bandai Namco, Toei, Konami, Kojima Productions, Shogakukan, and Square Enix logos) Rights of scenario reserved without intent to profit by Team Phantom Tiger. Promotional and distributive consideration graciously provided by our web hosts and sponsors: (display FFN, deviantART, Blogger, and Google logos) …Also Team Phantom Tiger doesn't own the TV Asahi Announcer voice either.

**Episode 7: Fusion of Man and Machine! Call, Geist Hopper!**

* * *

[A few minutes later, in the Zeit's Training Room…]

Kaguya stroked her chin as Haken, already morphed into TheSnake's Solid Normal configuration, pored over the cards withdrawn from his hip pouch. "So…John already knows."

"Yep."

"And he didn't blow his top or do anything creepy after running it by you."

"Nope."

"And you didn't get yet ANOTHER set of superpowers in the process."

"Like I'd really want any more at this point."

The princess grinned. "…I win."

"Wait, what?"

"Marion decided to put her stake from you getting the belt on a double-or-nothing. Between that fizzling out and Lee and O'Malley's bizarre fantasies never coming to light…I've won the betting pool on how long it'd take Papa John to get it and when."

A handful of cards were set aside as Haken turned to Kaguya. "Remind me again what sort of stakes you guys were playing with this?"

"Oh, just a few hundred apiece, nothing I or the Amahara treasury would miss if I lost…though I must say, being the last woman standing DOES have its advantages."

"Like what?"

"Well, maybe if we've got time after you get your cards in order…" The rest was whispered into the side of Haken's helmet, which conveniently obscured the resulting blush.

"…I thought that was only legal in Varna Karai!"

"It's fair game EVERYWHERE so long as you use a squeeze bottle."

* * *

[Meanwhile, down the hall…]

_*Doctor, it appears the download has completed and unpacked successfully. I must say, though…I'm still not quite sure I can bend that way.*_

"Oh, YOU will." Marion smirked as she knocked back an indeterminate canned drink. "Half the process was based on the…flexibility diagnostics we've been running together. Just remember, we can't let the others know about our little surprise just yet."

_*The females will surely just write it off as-*_

"No, not THEM. I mean Nacht and Abend. They're gonna be SO jealous once they get back from interning at Dorothy's."

* * *

[Even FURTHER meanwhile, in an undisclosed location…]

_Brother…you have ascertained his status and opinion on the mission, and have pledged to collaborate with him…Why, then, is he still marked as an enemy?_

"Because of what he and his friends did to you. It is…beyond me to forgive that."

_Well, it's not beyond ME to forgive them. I'd like to see them again once I'm all…back together…_

"If you do so, you'll lose sight of the mission just as they have."

_And what, pray tell, is the mission?_

"I…I'm afraid I cannot say just yet. For now, all that is necessary is to deal with the threat the Youma and Infiltrajin pose. As much of a buffoon as HE has become, his intelligence on these matters has been invaluable."

_Very well, Brother…I will continue to defer to you on the matter._

Pete Pain closed the connection as the other speaker sighed. _After all, deferring to you is pretty much all I CAN do with half a leg and two-thirds of an arm missing._

* * *

[That evening – Casshim Park Amphitheater…]

O'Malley fidgeted in Aschen's arms as the Zeit's entourage took their designated seats. "So let me get this straight: it's a secret identity thing, and yet they go so far as to hold this big stage show for what counts as covert military ordnance?"

"Ix-nay on the ecret-say," Suzuka interjected as fan clashed against ear.

"Besides," Aschen replied, "TheSnake is supposed to be also-ran tech from Formido Heim. It's just the sideshow for whatever Herencia's really cooked up for this event."

"I don' remember ye talking much to Haken after this morning's wake-up call – how do ye know this?"

"Well, I didn't exactly hear it from Haken. 'Haruka', on the other hand, seems to have trouble keeping her mouth shut when Kaguya's around." The gynoid shot a playful smirk Kaguya's way as the princess let loose her own sly smile.

"Believe me, I've tried EVERYTHING. There doesn't seem like much that'll keep her from screaming my name…or, sadly, from spilling what I'm told are state secrets."

"Remind me never to let you two get frisky anywhere that requires security clearance," Suzuka chimed in with an eyebrow cocked. "So how much HAS 'she' told you about tonight's proceedings, anyway?"

"Only what's planned for TheSnake's performance. Everything else, well…let's just say there's secrets that even Haruka can keep."

[Backstage…]

Haken checked once again to make sure the selected cards were at the forefront of his deck. "Pops…you sure we really need to be doing this?"

"These are trying times, Haken." John Moses took a swig from a nearby water bottle before continuing. "With what the public thinks are two different sets of monsters running about, it's paramount that they be reassured we can protect them. And if projecting that image of security means moving SMD off the black budget, then-"

"No, not that. I mean…why this sort of presentation? It'd be far easier to go with a conference or an expo…y'know, something more reserved."

John sighed. "…I was really hoping to score the conference center for this, actually, but a certain foreign guest needed quite the advance booking arrangements in order to set up for their big thing next week. Wait…not big…more like absolutely HUGE."

"Huge, huh? I hadn't seen anything on it in the paper."

"I'm told it's had to stay under wraps as deeply as SMD has up to tonight."

A stagehand approached the duo, Pete following close behind. "You're on in three!"

"All right, boys…let's give 'em something to cheer for."

The two Riders simply nodded as they took their places.

[Showtime!]

John took the stage alone following the initial bouts of applause, hands grasping the podium in a show of seriousness. "Ladies and gentlemen of Trodel Stadt, visitors and TV spectators from across the Frontier…these are trying times. Mysterious creatures from worlds yet unknown to us have decided to approach us in arms rather than in fellowship. With tensions between our newly reunited nations already nearing the boiling point-" Here, the TV viewers in Elfetale wondered if the stink-eye John slipped in was aimed at them or simply at acting king Rubor Cucullus. "-it is imperative that we look to our own resources to deal with crises before calling on our neighbors willy-nilly. Luckily, here in Lost Herencia…" The curtain rose, garnering oohs and aahs as the spectators beheld the array of iron-clad personages behind John. "…we've done a little bit of both and come out the better for it."

The two figures at the front of the display – TheSnake and TheFox – snapped to salute, the twenty or so androids behind them following behind a half second later. "For the past several weeks," John continued, "the unit behind me has been conducting covert operations to ascertain the threat that our invaders pose to Herencia, and potentially the rest of the Frontier. The results of their analysis paint a bloody picture of an ancient kingdom seeking revenge against champions of old – a thirst for blood they will not hesitate to sate with innocents. Why they have chosen to resurface in Lost Herencia, and Trodel Stadt in particular, we have yet to discern – but the Special Mechanical Division has made it a priority to make _damned sure_ they do not progress beyond the bounds of our nation. With this in mind, I hereby dissolve the SMD effective immediately…"

Murmurs of shock swept through the crowd as the various dignitaries and citizens pondered why a defense project such as this would be cut at such a crucial time.

"…And, also effective immediately, reform it, with the full jurisdiction of a public security force, as the Special Robotic Weapons Corps of the Herencian armed forces!" Whoops and hollers erupted from the throngs as the armored figures relaxed their salute.

These shouts turned to screams soon afterward, as the bulk of the robots were swallowed by an inky black portal opening underneath them. The two figures at the forefront turned to face it – or rather, the figure rising from the depths to replace the machines.

"YOU!" The one on Stage Right – TheSnake – pointed an accusing figure at the speckled being.

"Me." Lilith Barshem put her hands on her hips. "Why didn't you tell me there was a show for tonight, hmm? I brought enough friends to put on a circus!" More portals opened from the sides of the amphitheater, revealing a host of mutated beasts eager to tear at the terrified crowd.

[…]

"Tch…it's a two-pronged attack." Marion straightened her hat. "Aschen, Suzuka, clear out those exits. Kaguya, stay around here in case Haken needs to change. O'Malley, you and Lee watch the evacuation and call us if they open up more portals."

"What about you?" Kaguya inquired. "You don't have ANYTHING!"

"Oh, don't I?" Marion withdrew a bottle of ice water from her coat. "You KNOW green room water is always served at room temperature. I'll be fine besides."

The princess sighed. "…If you say so. Everyone to positions! **Blossom Frontier Fusion!"**

**"Tiger Frontier Fusion!"**

** "Fever Frontier Fusion!"**

"We got your six, lasses!" O'Malley's laser eyes shot open as Lee bared his fangs and the girls took their positions.

[…]

Ceramic alloy-plated fists smashed against – was this flesh? Steel? Haken could barely tell – as TheSnake tangled with Lilith.

"Heh…you're pretty good as a guy, too. I'll have to step it up a notch!" Crystals along Lilith's shoulder and arm pulsed in series as she reared back to fire a laser from her palm-

**[ATTACK RIDE: BLACK ARTS VIPER]**

The pistol summoned into Pete/TheFox's hand blasted a crack into the palm crystal, resulting in a short that engulfed Lilith's right arm in a flash of energy.

"…Nice save."

"Thanks."

**[ATTACK RIDE: REVOLVER OCELOT]**

Bullets from Haken's own summoned firearm bounced off the podium, striking an ambushing Infiltrajin in the neck. "You're welcome."

[…]

"All right…targets are concentrated in a rectangular block, no civilians behind them, no valuable property in the way…" Suzuka rattled off these facts as she planted her fists and feet in a variety of Infiltrajin. "Only one question: is the moon out?"

A wolf-like monster leapt toward Suzuka/Sailor GUN-Oh, prompting her to uppercut it in the muzzle…and look up to the sky for her answer. "Oh hell yes, the moon is out!" The demoness flipped open her Mugen Amulet, holding Pound and dialing 5-5-5 before retreating into position.

**START UP**

Instead of the usual mini-gatlings, a pair of strange mechanical arrays formed around Suzuka's forearms. She brought them together, forming a single barrel that started charging with energy.

"Oh-hohohoho! _GUN-Oh SEALING TECHNIQUE: FEVER BLASTER!_" A white-hot cone of sheer force erupted from the barrel, incinerating Suzuka's opponents in one shot.

**TIME OUT**

The Sailor GUN-Oh suit shifted back into Suzuka's usual robes as she staggered back. "Gotta do something about that recoil…"

[…]

The stage rumbled despite Lilith doing little more than support herself. "Heh…looks like my ride's arrived."

"Your ride?"

Haken's query was answered by the appearance of a gigantic earthworm tunneling up from the stage right exit, where Aschen had finished executing her own burnout.

"I believe you humans say nowadays…yoink!" The Youma princess leapt onto the worm, kicking its shell just so to engage movement.

"Damn…she's escaping the park! And who knows what that thing'll hit before it goes back under!"

"We even got anything that can track it?"

A third voice joined the two Kamen Riders' ruminations. "I got something." The pair turned to see Marion climb onto the stage, digging through her coat to produce…

"…That's not exactly a bottle of water – not like we'll really need it, anyway."

"It's an extra chip for your belt and-" The elf turned to TheFox. "-well, you know. Long story short, I got some help and developed a fast attack module for TheSnake. Try it out."

"Fast attack, hmm? Here goes…" Haken plugged the chip into the side of TheSnake's main buckle. **"Call, Geist Hopper!"**

The roar of an engine filled the night sky as a sleek black motorcycle wheeled into view, stopping inches from the seats. "Wait just a minute…that white and gold trim…is this-"

"Yep."

_*Indeed.*_

"…And it talks. Er, _he_ talks."

"Mm-hmm."

_*Confirmed.*_

"…All righty, then. Pete, you want shotgun?"

"You go ahead, John and I gotta handle the debriefing."

* * *

[In pursuit across downtown…]

It was a trivial matter to catch up to the earthworm, given it'd burrowed through half a foot of asphalt in its mad dash across the city. Lilith cursed the state of her arm as the black machine pulled alongside the gigantic annelid, its rider turning to face her.

"Looks like I get to finish the job my partner started, after all."

"Don't get your hopes up yet, boy. Or should it be 'girl'?" The worm sank another few inches, bursting open a water line and spraying TheSnake and Geist Hopper with icy fluid. Lilith cackled at seeing the duo drenched, only to stop when…

"Sorry, lady, but unlike my Sailor suit, my Rider suit is watertight." Haken reached for a card to activate in retaliation when a beep from the cycle's instrument panel interrupted him.

_ *May I suggest using one of THESE instead?*_ The digital speedometer flipped over to reveal a smaller card deck clipped on the back, next to an insertion slot.

"Well, Mister Ghosto, looks like Marion took care of everything." Haken drew the top card and jammed it in.

**[GEAR RIDE: R-R-R-REX]**

Suddenly, the bike lurched to the right as a portion of the rear bumper began to unfold and transform. For a second, Haken could see the left leg of his beloved Gespenst, shortly before it morphed into a linear cannon perched over his right shoulder. "Tch…could've warned me there'd be weight issues…"

_*Well, YOU'RE the one who just took the top card without looking. Also, cannon charge in 5 seconds.*_

A green glow surrounded Lilith's forearm as its regeneration completed. "FINALLY! And in just a few more seconds…"

[4]

Haken slammed the brakes on Geist Hopper as the earthworm careened past. "Looks like…"

[3]

Likewise, the worm coiled around the next intersection, head segment rising to look back at the interloper.

[2]

"…this is your…"

A mouth pried open from the worm's head, revealing what appeared to be a fleshy lump studded with metal spikes.

[1]

"Crossdressing buffoon! This will be your…"

The railgun jutting from Geist Hopper's back shifted, its target acquired and locked.

[0]

**"LAST STOP!"**

A supersonic slug bolted out of Geist Hopper's linear cannon as the earthworm ejected the strange hairball from its throat. Shrapnel and oddly-colored fluids littered the sky as the two projectiles slammed against one another, the rail slug powering through and tagging the worm in the roof of its mouth.

"Oh, for…" Lilith shuddered as a mass of dark energy began to engulf her. "One of these days…I'll be rid of the both of you!" The worm's corpse shattered into purple and green mist as the pool of black faded into the night.

* * *

[One regrouping aboard the Zeit later…]

_"…On a related note, the SRW Corps android troops lost in the beginning phase of the monsters' attack were a public appearance squadron, possessed of basic presentational and law enforcement AI. There is no need to be concerned about the firepower of SRW being compromised, as the higher-powered models are stored in-no, sir, I cannot disclose exactly where they are stored. Despite Mayor Moses' mass declassification of the unit, some national security measures still need to be taken…The appearance of the 'Mystery Princesses,' or as we at SRW have dubbed them, the 'Frontier Senshi,' was unprecedented, yet appreciated due to their cooperation in containing-"_

Kaguya clicked off the TV and Pete's debriefing of the press corps. "Unprecedented, but appreciated…I bet they'd have appreciated us a little more if I'D managed to help fight some of 'em off…"

"Eh, you can't fight 'em all…and frankly, you shouldn't." Haken rubbed his shoulder, still a tad achy from bracing the Rex Cannon. "Besides…even if you didn't manage to get a piece of the action tonight…I appreciate you."

"Oh, don't try to be sweet on me…"

"I'm not trying. I really DO appreciate you…and everyone else on this ship. If it weren't for you guys – well, mostly gals – Pete and I would be stuck against a hundred demons, backs to each other, half the audience mauled to death-"

"Oh, for…what is it with you and getting morbid after this sort of thing?"

"What? All I said was-"

"Or maybe…I should get Haruka's opinion instead?" The princess emptied the remains of her glass of ice water on Haken, bringing out his feminine side.

"You shouldn't have done that…" 'Haruka' dropped 'her' voice to a husky whisper. "You see…Haruka appreciates you THAT much MORE…"

Kaguya grinned as Haruka leaned in close. "Well, if that's the case, I guess I really SHOULD have done that…"

The two tumbled onto the couch as the princess accepted the cowgirl into her embrace, the lights in the Zeit's rec room dimming as they nestled into each other's arms.

In the adjacent doorway, Suzuka removed her hand from the dimmer switch. "Must EVERYTHING be an excuse to cuddle with those two?"

Aschen rolled O'Malley around in her arms a bit before peering into the gem on his forehead. "…Signs Point to Yes."

"Jes' let 'em have their fun, lasses. Better yet, why don't the two o' ye try it? I've nae reason to judge…"

The fuzzy familiar was punted halfway down the corridor for his trouble.

**[END]**

* * *

[Next Episode Preview]

Kaguya: I've made up my mind about this next Youma…  
Suzuka: Oh?  
Kaguya: If I'm gonna be the last to show off my finisher with Haruka, then I'm going to make it count!  
Haken: You don't mean-  
Kaguya: Yep! If fusing with you AND causing a burnout both grant the power to seal Youma, then the two COMBINED must obviously-  
O'Malley: There's a reason it's never been done before, lass…  
Kaguya: Well, you're gonna see it happen now! **On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 8: Selection of the Perfect Partner! Hyper Blossom Sealing Technique!**  
Haken: This will only tickle a bit…  
Lee: Shouldn't that be Kaguya's line?

* * *

[Bonus Preview]

*A mysterious bullet train whooshes by the Zeit Krokodil*  
Aschen: Oh? What's this new vessel traveling the sands of the Frontier?  
Haken: I think they just got lost traveling the sands of time.  
Aschen: What?  
Haken: The next-generation bullet train Kamen Rider: Den-Ae.  
*clips from the new series begin playing*  
Kaguya: A mysterious organization denied her a normal life.  
Suzuka: An incompetent television network denied her a happy ending.  
O'Malley: But with her friends and the power of the Digital Train XANALiner, nae anyone will deny her the truth!  
*cut back to the gang on the Zeit*  
Haken: Kamen Rider Den-Ae debuts in the world of SRWQ later this month as a Team Phantom Tiger exclusive.  
Marion: Then, prepare to enter the TRUE world of Den-Ae July 4th, in FFN's Kamen Rider Crossovers or Code Lyoko Crossovers!  
Lee: And the first 50 reviewers of either this fic or Kamen Rider Den-Ae's inaugural chapter on Independence Day will receive a limited foil edition "Porygon-Z SP" card for the Pokémon Trading Card Ga-  
Aschen: Uh, Lee…  
Lee: Hmm?  
Aschen: This is a fanfic. On the Internet. We can't give out Pokémon cards over the Internet.  
Marion: Actual Pocket Monsters and the Global Trade System, however, are a different matter entirely. Stay tuned to Team Phantom Tiger for more details!

* * *

POST-NOTE: Obviously, we don't own stuff by Nintendo/Game Freak/The Pokémon Company or Antefilms Productions/The MoonScoop Group either. However, we DO own the tools to do a bit of a promotional drive, as Lee and Marion just hinted. Details soon on TPT's profile here and at the home blog.  
-/m/'s Haken


	8. Episode 8: Selection of Perfect Partner!

AUTHOR'S NOTE 7/25: The Porygon-Z giveaway from Kamen Rider Den-Ae Chapter 1 is a bust, mostly due to lack of interest. More importantly, however, the next chapter of that might not hit until early August, thanks to the backlash from the various things that delayed THIS (in particular, my recent acquisition of MGS: Peace Walker). And depending on how certain vacations and job offers collide, LKSH Episode 9 might be just as hard-hit. Up-to-the-minute information may be requested via PMs here or IRC shenanigans on Rizon's #musouquest.  
- /m/'s Haken

* * *

**[The following episode of LKSH1/W00 was filmed in Kaguya-Cam. Viewer discretion is advised.]**

The first thing that greets me as I awaken is pressure bearing down on me. Snapping to life, my brain tries to make sense of this strange weight – it appears evenly distributed all over the front of my body.

Before I can move to throw it off, though, my eyes open and everything starts fitting together.

Last night rushes back into my memory. The weight in question is Haken – rather, Haken as 'Haruka,' whom I engaged in some intense cuddling with on the couch the previous evening.

…Now I just can't bear to wake up right now.

No, not because 'she's' still soundly asleep, though not wanting to disturb 'her' is part of it.

It's 'her' face. There's this rather peaceful, rather content expression on 'her' face as 'her' head rests just slightly between my breasts. Normally I'd say it's all because of 'her' location, but ever since the other night at the opera, it seems our sleeping together has started taking a hard turn more towards just being close to one another than anything particularly sexual. (A small wonder considering how intimately straightforward Haken's first 12 hours as a girl were.)

And so I close my eyes for another few minutes, letting the warmth of Haruka's body carry me toward 'her' level of contentment.

_

* * *

**Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00**_  
An Endless Frontier-flavored multi-fandom blender by /m/'s Haken Browning

TV Asahi Announcer: Lewd Kamen Senshi Haken 1/W00 is created using materials from the following corporate entities: (display Bandai Namco, Toei, Konami, Kojima Productions, Shogakukan, and Square Enix logos) Rights of scenario reserved without intent to profit by Team Phantom Tiger. Promotional and distributive consideration graciously provided by our web hosts and sponsors: (display FFN, deviantART, Blogger, and Google logos) …Also Team Phantom Tiger doesn't own the TV Asahi Announcer voice either.

**Episode 8: Selection of the Perfect Partner! Perfect Blossom Sealing Technique!**

* * *

[About 30 minutes later…]

Just as I'm about to re-enter REM sleep, a voice whispers in my ear: "I see you're still sleeping well…my princess."

My voice comes out kinda groggy in response. "Well…I WAS. I know YOU were."

"Heh…There's no way I could ever stay uneasy around you…my princess…my Kaguya-sama…"

It is at that point that I have to shove Haruka off myself, and thus off the couch.

You see, Haruka in the bedroom (or really, anywhere where bodies are right up next to each other with few clothes in the way) is a total one-eighty from Haruka or Haken out of the bedroom: if I leave her to keep heaping praise on me, she'll eventually go into full submissive mode and start begging to service me. Once that happens, the promise of free and unchallenged sexual gratification starts clouding MY judgment, and suddenly we're both six hours behind on our various duties for the day because 'Mistress' can't bear to see her 'Bunny' unhappy and the thing that makes the 'Bunny' happy is…yeah, you see where I'm going with this.

Don't get me wrong, I'm kinda starting to like that stuff…it's just that between the line of work we're in and the demon-princess-scientist we're currently trying to hunt down (no offense, Suzuka, in case you're listening to this), we can't exactly afford to take too many off days.

"Urgh…my head…why you do that?"

"Sorry, Haruka, but I'm not exactly in a 'sleeping in' mood."

"Awww, but we haven't had any real 'us time' in a while…"

"I thought last night was 'us time'. Your fault for not bothering to go all the way." I really hate to have to rebuke her like this, but it's as much for her own good as it is for my image. Even though I'm officially on the royal coming-of-age pilgrimage, the fact that our Frontier Senshi codenames are less than original will definitely alert the masses to my whereabouts sooner or later. And when the paparazzi show up, it'll be easier on both of us if they find me in the care of renowned bounty hunter Haken Browning rather than upstart nymphomaniac Haruka Brodel. "Though if you're good, I'll see if we can make up for that tonight, OK?"

"…Fair enough, Princess." Haruka scoots herself to eye level with my outstretched arm and kisses the hand, one last vestige of her attempt at subservience.

"All right. The others will likely be coming in for breakfast soon, so let's clean up quickly."

"Got it." As we pull ourselves from our respective resting places and adjourn to the Zeit's crew quarters, I can't help but wonder which aspect(s) of Haken/Haruka are the secret identity these days – they're all a little irrational, Haken and TheSnake only slightly less so than Haruka and Sailor W00.

But then again, that irrationality is kinda the reason I'm alive right now. Maybe…just maybe all four of them are his/her true self.

* * *

[Camera feed ends as Kaguya enters her bedroom, resuming some six hours later…]

Breakfast and lunch passed by without incident, save a couple unusually loud explosions from the Lab Deck while Haken was testing more of TheSnake's cards. I'm not entirely sure I want to know what became of those.

As for myself, what was to be a quick mid-afternoon prayer session to ask my ancestors' forgiveness for various acts of costumed heroine bloodshed and premarital lesbian coitus (don't worry, Dad, I'm repenting for the nights with Haken as well) was rudely interrupted halfway in by our resident Mutant Eye bouncing through the ductwork like Suzuka let him into her stash of espresso fudge brownies.

"What brings you down here, O'Malley?"

"Crazy big Youma flux, lass. The team up top just got wind of it through Papa John; said Pete's knee-deep in ninjas on the north side o'town."

"Not beasts like we've been getting with Lilith?"

"Nae, and that's what's got me knackered. This means whatever's attacking right now is working independent of Lilith, or vice versa."

"We'll get to the bottom of this…" And then something hit me. "Wait, who's Pete?"

"Pete? …Oh, ye know that new Rider watching Harken's six last night? That's Pete. Or at least, the guy we ought to call 'TheFox' while on duty-"

"Hold up… 'Harken'?"

"…I'm running out of clever things to call Haken-slash-Haruka that cover both bases at once."

"…I kinda like it." Though if I had my way, I'd never have a need to use it. "I'll be up in a minute, gotta sort this out."

"Take ye time, we've another couple minutes before the Zeit's in position."

I turn back to the mini-shrine next to my bedstand as O'Malley exits. "_Gomen nasai, Okaa-san…_ time is currently of the essence, and my rites need to be postponed. Please understand, and forgive what needs to be done…"

[As Kaguya exits, the viewer may hold R1 to catch a glimpse of Ui Nanbu's ghost watching her leave from atop the bed…]

* * *

[Camera feed resumes in the Zeit's hangar/garage…]

Haruka and the others are already gathered as I enter the ship's rearmost compartment. "Hey, Kaguya, perfect timing. We were just discussing how to handle going into battle now that Gespy-san has volunteered his services." Here, she turns to our old buddy the Phantom, who extends his right fist forward to knock against Haruka's. "Turns out that him being Geist Hopper is independent of me being Kamen Rider TheSnake, so we can ride him anytime – with the caveat that only two of us will fit on him at once."

"When you say 'ride' him-"

_*Madame…er, Brodel, I guess…insists that she means it in the platonic and utilitarian sense.*_ I'm not sure whether to be shocked at the Phantom speaking or it being lost for words.

"Anyhoo," Suzuka says, breaking the silence, "the three of us were trying to see who'd get to ride into battle. Haruka's a given, for obvious reasons, so it's really between you, me, and Aschen."

"Oh. Well, if that's the case, I don't really mind walking-"

"No can do, bucko!" Aschen flips into 'Party Girl' mode and grabs my arm, dragging me towards Haruka and the Phantom. "We've already had our turn with her, so I insist you ride with Haruka!"

The two white-haired ladies in the room are dumbstruck by this, Suzuka especially. "WHAT? But…all that arguing over whether you'd be better for it than me…"

"All part of my cunning plan!" Aschen cuts a sly smile as she returns to normal. "Kaguya deserves this more than either of us, but since she wasn't here to vouch for herself, I had to…take certain steps to guarantee she'd have this opportunity."

"Namely," Haruka piped up, "presenting an argument on your OWN behalf, then defaulting to Kaguya right as she realized what was going on. Clever, but not by enough."

Now it was Aschen's turn to be confused. "What?"

"You see…I planned on taking Kaguya with me from the beginning, just 'cause. Nice to see you're being thoughtful, though, and I'm sure Suzuka would be doing the same in your shoes."

At this point, I'm not sure what to think. Bear in mind that eight hours from either side of right now, the only cunning plans Haruka would be making would involve trying to get her head under my dress. "So…I guess this means…"

_*They've pretty much volunteered you for it, Princess Nanbu. I also find this acceptable.*_

"Dang, even the robot wants me riding him…sure, why not?"

"That's the spirit, Princess!" Haruka beams as the bay door opens behind her, her face decorated with a positively shit-eating grin (or rather 'clit-nibbling,' maybe?). "We've got a straight shot into the city from here, so let's get this party started! **Frontier Fusion Formation!"**

The Mugen Amulet tucked under my dress starts glowing white-hot as the energy within does the work of transforming me into Sailor Nanbu. The actual feeling of transformation is nearly impossible to explain – it's like a big wall of raw _feeling_ that slams into you, but doesn't bear down long enough to register as pain or pleasure or anything in between. Whatever it's supposed to be, though, it does the impossible with every transformation: my fuku seems to fit even more snugly around my body than my usual dress, without either constricting or letting my bust spill out (not a wardrobe malfunction I risk by choice, mind you, but that's a tale for another day).

"Your turn, Gespy-san." Haruka points her unfolded amulet at the Phantom and dials.

**[#-7-8-9] CALL, GEIST HOPPER**

Phantom rushes out the hatch, making a grand leap once its boots hit sand. Haruka and I trail behind as all sorts of outlandish twists, turns, and folds convert the robot into a motorcycle. To this day, I wonder where the wheels are being stored in its normal mode.

Slamming down wheels-first, Geist Hopper flashes its head and tail lights, beckoning Sailor W00 and myself to climb aboard. Haruka shoots me a thumbs-up as we oblige, my arms wrapping around her waist as we accelerate to intercept speed. The ride into Trodel Stadt is smoother than I'd expect from a normal motorcycle on the blasted Herencian desert, and yet a vibration exists in my seat that can only be either a power seating installation gone horribly wrong, or a hare-brained scheme of Haruka's to exalt and arouse her 'Mistress' gone horribly right (as right as it can be while we're on business, at least).

I'll have to speak with Marion about Gespy-san's after-market modifications later.

* * *

[Camera feed resumes 5 minutes later…]

We hop off of Geist Hopper at the corner of Elm and Providence, where the city guard, now bolstered by SRW Corps' W-series droids, has cordoned off the intersection so Pete - er, TheFox, seeing as how we're on duty – doesn't have to worry about accidentally shooting up anyone's car.

Can't say the north side's got much to worry about, though. Even though TheFox is showing signs of exhaustion, he's still nailing many of the ninjas in one go with a card combo that gets Haruka salivating.

**[SKILL RIDE: GILLIAN SEED]**

** [ATTACK RIDE: CHRIS JENNER]**

Another of the Neo-Youma grunts takes a knockout shot as Haruka and I get inside the police tape. Our arrival seems to have caught the attention of today's aggressors: a couple of lion-faced fellows who could easily pass for Dokugozu and Dokumezu with a good shave and the right hats.

"Saizou Squadron, fall back!" the blue one bellows. "Our lure worked perfectly, if not quite as clean as we'd hoped!"

The ninjas quit hounding TheFox as we approach. "Lure?"

"We didn't expect your friend to put such a dent in our elite Akukage," the red one interjects, "But the sacrifice was necessary for us to obtain an audience with this land's Frontier Senshi."

"Oh God…we have fanboys among the bad guys now."

"Stay sharp, Haruk-er, Sailor W00, who knows what they've got planned!"

"Oh, just drop the secret identity act, will ya?" the blue one cuts back in. "You've kinda been marked as priority targets since day one anyway. Isn't that right…Kaguya Nanbu?"

A shiver goes down my spine.

He continues, "Of course, there's no point in exposing this kind of secret identity if it's something your people expect of you, anyway. In fact, we're here for another princess entirely."

Haruka takes a defensive stance. "If you want Suzuka, forget it. You boys don't look like you can afford her cover charge."

"I'm talking about OUR princess, insolent bitch!" The blue guy rushes her, only for his claw to catch against my blade. "What have you done with Lilith Barshem?"

"Lilith? A princess? …oh. OOOHHHHHH, I get it, you guys think we've kidnapped her or something."

"Perhaps…" The lion releases his arm, retreating into an assault stance. "Well…have you?"

Haruka starts treating this as a casual conversation at this point. "Pfft, hell no. We've been too caught up in taking down her crazy experiments."

"Experiments? That…that means…" The lion turns back to his compatriot. "Inform the Emperor at once, Coustwell. If His Majesty's daughter is contributing to the war effort of her own accord, we have no reason to 'rescue' her."

"And leave you unattended? No way." Coustwell motions to one of his ninjas. "You guys, though…I don't think we'll need your assistance here any more. Relay our findings to the Emperor." The lackey bows before he and the rest of Saizou Squadron are swallowed by a series of black pools under their feet. "As for yourself, Granteed…I take it you don't wish to leave empty-handed?"

"Heh, whether I have to take these three home whole or in pieces, they shall serve me splendidly."

"Oh, that **tears it."**

And then Granteed got a Phantom Plasma Stake in the gut. You see, somewhere in that sex-addled brain of hers, Haruka ran a few calculations and decided she'd rather not be referred to as an 'it' when it came to her gender fluidity. Ever since Lilith's grandstanding at the opera the other night, however, she's become a lot more concerned about her sense of self. Probably had to do with how Lilith was bragging about Marisa Pierce being merely a means to her incarnation or something.

This drive to maintain herself as her own person, whether newfound or pre-existing, obviously ran up against this Youma's appetite for trophies rather violently. "Pete, hit the red one with everything you've got," she barks as she retracts her stake arm. "Kaguya, let's wrap this one up. Nobody with an interest in Lilith's survival leaves here alive."

Haruka's sudden coldness startles me almost as much as the Youma pair's own calculating smugness. Hesitantly, I retrieve the Sealing Chip from within my Mugen Amulet-

_This is not enough to satisfy her._

I almost drop the chip as the ghostly whisper flitters through my ears. "What…what did I just hear?"

_She demands you bare your soul to her, as she has hers to you._

"Wha…why are you telling me this in the middle of a fight?"

I can faintly make out Haruka yelling "Telling you WHAT?" as the whistle of a boomerang cuts through the air. Then another, and another still as TheFox lets loose a sleight of **[ATTACK RIDE: SLASHER HAWK]** into Coustwell's torso.

_Bring the two Sealing Techniques together…_ Now I can start to tell where the voice is coming from. _To become one in the heat of battle…that is her wish. That is MY wish._ After that, the speaker in my amulet falls silent.

Granteed, apparently looking more for a fight than an easy target, turns away from us and charges TheFox, sending Pete flying into a lamppost. "Kaguya, what are you standing around for? Let's combine and get rid of these bozos already!"

"Wha…oh, sorry, zoned out for a moment." I feign being lost in thought. It's a half-truth, and Haruka can probably tell. Nevertheless, with nothing better to do, plus the knowledge that Sealing Techniques only seem to be good for one or two Youma at a time… "Bring the two Sealing Techniques together, huh…" I slowly punch in **#-3-2-3** before inserting the Sealing Chip into its proper activation slot.

**PERFECT SEALING TECHNIQUE ENGAGE**

And then everything goes white.

* * *

[…]

I come to feeling somewhat heavier than before. I'm somehow standing up, yet every inch of my skin feels like I'm submerged in about ten feet of water. I try moving my hand…

…and I see Haruka's hand moving in front of my face.

_*Kaguya…Kaguya, what did you do? The possession's gone backwards!*_

"Backwards?" I mouth, my lips – rather, Haruka's lips – moving yet not producing speech.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her standing behind me…for a split second, then Haruka starts flickering in and out, chunks of her being replaced with the respective parts of Haken and vice versa every second.

_*When the others possessed me, I maintained most of my motor control – all Aschen or Suzuka would give me was their magic repertoire and a little suggestion. But you…somehow you've hijacked my motor functions. I'm trying REALLY hard to walk us forward, and getting bupkus.*_

That's really all s/he felt when the others possessed him/her? Should I even bother referring to…"Harken," for lack of a better term, with mixed pronouns when dealing with this sort of thing? But more importantly, how come my fusion with 'her' was differ-

_ -Bring the two Sealing Techniques together…-_

"…Shit. Haruka…er, Haken…uh, can I just call you 'Harken' for a minute?"

_*I kinda had a history of punching out anyone who called me that in middle school, but I'll allow it.*_

"OK, Harken…I kinda messed up. I'm sorry. I kinda put in my Amulet's patch code before performing the fusion technique. If I knew it was going to wind up like this-"

_*Kaguya…don't be sorry. Just duck.*_

"Duck?" I focus my vision back to the real world, only to get an eyeful of Coustwell about to bring a mean-looking axe down on my head. Willing Haruka's body to action, I tumble forward, getting us between his legs and a decent ways behind him. "Wow, that went…better than I'd expect."

_*Aside from putting us right between the two, yeah,*_ 'Harken' remarks as I right 'ourselves.' _*But this…this could be exactly where we want them.*_

"Hmm?"

_*Just as your mind is moving my body, Kaguya…your magic and mine are starting to mix together. I'd like to see what you can do with that in my body.*_

"Magic, eh?" An inspiration strikes at my brain, or maybe it's just another suggestion like the one that inspired this mess. Regardless, my mind races to comprehend it…and approves. "I think I've got just the thing…"

I concentrate, outstretching my arms and pointing the baggy sleeves that've appeared on Haruka's forearms at the two targets. _"PERFECT PHANTOM BLOSSOM SEALING TECHNIQUE: DIMENSION HANAFUDA!"_ The words escape her mouth in both our voices as shards of light stream from the sleeves, pinning the two lion-men in place. "Pete, y'mind giving us a hand?" Haruka speaks. "Can't quite finish 'em off on our own with this kind of spacing."

Stumbling to his feet, Kamen Rider TheFox flashes a V-sign and withdraws one last card. "I think I can handle ONE last big attack…"

He swipes. **[FINAL ATTACK RIDE: T-T-T-TELIKO]**

We focus. _"PHANTOM BLOSSOM SEALING TECHNIQUE: MOONLIGHT SHOOT!"_

Guns trained on one target apiece, we fire.

And the Neo-Youma Lieutenants Coustwell and Granteed are ended in their own personal flurries of energy bullets as my vision once again blanks out.

* * *

[…]

Good news is, I came to again in my own body.

Bad news is, it's three hours later and everything aches as I futilely attempt to wriggle off the bed in the Zeit's infirmary.

Worse news is, I can hear the _bzzzzt-shoom_ of O'Malley's ear lasers from the hallway. "You're telling me she did BOTH AT ONCE? Ye already be dancing on thin ice with the burnouts as is, lass, but such a thing…it's a wonder she's nae a corpse right-"

"EARS. RINGING. SHUT UP." I am NOT in the mood to deal with some Mutant Eye talking like an Olde Elfetale poser, much less hear him yammer about all the arbitrary limits we have to put on using our Frontier Senshi powers without actually telling us what the 'dire consequences' of breaking those limits really are.

Apparently whoever O'Malley was talking to shared my sentiment, because shortly after I saw him go flying off in the direction of Marion's lab, and not under his own power.

The door whirrs open right after that, Haruka stepping through. "Hey. Guess you could hear us out there, huh?"

I let out a weak "Yeah…"

"Man, you should've seen the look on Aschen and Suzuka's faces when they got there and the fight was already over. I wound up feeling as beat up as you probably do right now, 'cept not as comatose."

"I don't see 'em around…"

Haruka smirks. "Well, I volunteered to get you back home regardless, and Suzuka didn't want to waste the afternoon…long story short, they're gonna be hogging one of the DDR machines at Joy Division until dinner, and Gespy-san says he's got 'em GPS-tagged to pick up this evening."

"And…how's Pete doing?"

"Damn near burnt out his suit's powerplant, but otherwise no worse for wear. Dad's probably got him shuffling papers as we speak." She pulls up a chair. "But enough about them…does my princess need anything? Some water, a couple aspirin…maybe something more?"

"…you're hopeless, Haruka. Or better yet, 'Harken.'"

"Oh, come on-"

"Pssh, only your male side could ever THINK of taking advantage of me like this. And to team up with your feminine side to weasel your way into my panties by being all sensitive…" I break into a coughing fit before I can punctuate my insult properly. "…I might need that water, actually. Not too much ice, please."

"As you wish…my Kaguya-sama." A minute later, and she's back with not only the glass of ice water, but…

"What…is that part of the mini-shrine in my bedroom?"

"Yep." She lays the carving on the bedstand. "Back when we were about to sortie, I heard O'Malley saying something about having to interrupt your prayer break. Figured you might like to catch up as long as you're holed up in here…"

"Oh, uh…thanks." I spy Haruka turn her back as I take a sip. "Ummm…"

She turns to me. "Oh, I just figured you'd like some privacy."

"Well…if you don't really feel like leaving, you don't have to. Just don't be a nuisance, OK?"

"I won't. In fact…there's a couple things I'd like to pray for myself." The next few minutes are silent as we hold hands, deep in our own thoughts. My mind calls to the spirits of my ancestors, seeking the usual forgivenesses from them. Haruka…I'm not sure exactly WHAT she was praying for, but I could feel something warm come from her grasp. Whatever she was asking for, she was being quite honest about.

About five minutes in, I can hear a faint chuckle from Haruka. "…You didn't pray for anything I have to pray for forgiveness for, did you?"

"No, nothing like that, Princess…" She clasps my hand a little tighter. "Though on that note…remember when you were in my body earlier?"

"Yeah…I'm still sorry about that. If I'd known it'd end up like this-"

"Please…don't be. Because the feeling of my body being completely at your mercy…"

"…Don't tell me…"

"…Yeah."

"I'm counting that as telling me, you know."

**[END]**

* * *

[Next Episode Preview]

Suzuka: So, any luck on the mystery of the voice Kaguya heard during your last battle?  
Haken: Nope, right now we're busy solving the case of what Lilith plans to do with her Infiltrajin.  
Aschen: Perhaps her assault on Trodel Stadt's biggest hospital could provide us with clues…  
Kaguya: For someone who does her best work with animals, though…what's she up to taking the hospital's prosthetics technicians hostage?  
Suzuka: We return to your regularly scheduled plot **On the next LKSH1/W00, Episode 9: Conception of the Perfect Being! Gambit of the Youma Princess!**  
Haken: P-Perfect Being? That can't be right!  
Kaguya: Why not?  
Haken: Because YOU already exist!

* * *

POSTNOTE: You've probably seen that this is nothing like the equivalent chapter of the game I'm half-trying to follow. That's because there's not enough LOLGENES for us to work with. (And yet it's still partly a Metal Gear crossover...) Your thoughts on this in a review.  
- /m/'s Haken


End file.
